Erik: Well, today we are still in Belgium, but at Armelle's parents house in Dinant. I met them a couple weeks ago when we visited for Christmas (or "Noel" as they say here), and we got along wonderfully! And last night we felt it was time to come back here, and leave the comfy castle we had been staying at the prior week and a half. We weren't sure why, but we both felt it was time to leave the castle and to come spend more time with her parents... perhaps simply for the purpose of flushing up any unresolved "parent" issues for releasing.
We arrived last night, and today I've noticed that I'm perceiving Armelle as having a lot of unresolved emotions come up. I perceive fear and confusion in her, and yet I'm being reminded by my inner Guide that it's really MY lesson. If I feel any lack of peace (which I do) and believe that it is because someone "outside" of me is having what I would call "negative" emotions coming up, then it can only be because I am still being tempted to see through the ego's lense.
So today, while she may indeed be having some fear, anger, or other emotions come up, I am having my own uncomfortable emotions come up, and it's a perfect opportunity to trace those emotions back in my own mind, rather than just hoping her emotions will heal quickly.
What it seems to flush up for me is the same feeling I've had in all my past relationships, when it seemed like my partner was becoming emotional, and I would start feeling defensive in reaction to her emotions. My mind always seems to make me feel that if they are upset, it must be about me! Or even if they weren't originally upset because of something having to do with me, my experience has always been that I try to "fix" her emotion, and THEN she gets upset with me.
So now I'm learning to NOT try to "fix" the emotion. Instead I need to remember that the only thing that needs to be "fixed" is my belief that her emotions might be a problem. I still believe that if she is not joyful, then it might result in her making a "bad" decision that would negatively impact us both! And so I'm seeing now that there are lots of false assumptions in my mind that still need to be raised up to the Light and dissolved there... i.e. the belief that "bad" things can happen; the belief that there are "bad" emotions; and ultimately the belief that I am a body in the world in a special relationship with someone "outside" of me who has a separate mind. I see that it is merely these beliefs that are the cause of my discomfort, and when I believe these things, my perception simply calls forth witnesses that seem to "prove" them to me. Thus, I end up perceiving Armelle as having "bad" emotions, I feel justified in feeling uncomfortable, and then anything I try to do or say to her only reinforces the ego in us both!
Whew... I'm feeling better already just putting all that into words! It's SO great to express all these thoughts here and thus share my healing with everyone. It's one thing to acknowledge these things for myself, like in a private journal or something... but there's something so powerful for me about sharing the thoughts for the whole world to read! It seems to strengthen the ideas in my own mind far more powerfully than if I simply kept them for myself.
So that's where I'm at today... processing my discomfort with the help of the Holy Spirit in my mind, and I'm also doing lots of relaxing, spiritual study, and some French study here and there too! My French is definitely improving the more I practice speaking the phrases I DO know as best I can, even if I sometimes feel totally inadequate with the pronunciation! Everyone here is being really great with me in helping me learn! Maybe I'll write another blog post at some point soon about how I've been applying my forgiveness practice... to my French lessons!
Until then, I am in deep gratitude to you Who Are my Self, and Who are a part of my healing! Thanks for listening.
Love,
Erik
