Last Tuesday around 1pm, I received a call from Kirsten. Erik and I just left the house and were on our way for a three day trip by ourselves, which felt as an opportunity to have a cocoon to go deeper in the undoing of the specialness in our relationship.
It was five or six days that we both felt a deep shift in the relationship and were both feeling disorientated by that change but also felt it was for the better good and part of the undoing. On Sunday I really fell on my knees, totally helpless not knowing what to do and being in such an unknown "territory". On Monday, I prayed so much Jesus to show me the way, that I couldn't do it by myself, that I wasn't seeing clearly... deep surrender. There was such a deep sadness living this shift, and in the same time a deeper quietness too. Looking at all the concepts in my mind regarding our relationship, marriage, self-concept, etc... there was more and more a feeling of emptiness and not knowing... Deep down I could admit that my True Desire wasn't really to BE Erik's wife, but to BE Who I am, to serve God, to give FULLY my life over to Him so that I may know Reality. So here I was praying silently to be shown...
Kirsten's call was His Answer! Two days earlier they had sent an email to the MMT participants for the yearly participation as a member of the Church and as a Minister if we had the Calling to be one. To which I asked some more informations. And following my email, she felt asking directly to David and Lisa if I could already be a Minister now, being a participant of the MMT program, living in Divine Providence and having fully devoted my life to God, and being involved in projects and being close to the Church. To which they answered: YES! So to my BIG surprise (I wasn't expecting anything) she was calling me to tell me the good news! I was speechless... in between bursting into laughter and crying from the depth of my heart, in Gratitude to God. There it was... the Answer to my unspoken prayer, the prayer of the Heart. Here He was.... showing me The Way, telling me "I know your true Desire is not really to be Erik's wife, so here I am, showing You the Way... Come into Your Function! Take my Ministry! You're on the right track, and I am here with You, as I've ever been!"
Three hours later, we were walking in this little town where we were spending three days. I felt before leaving the hotel the taste of coffee in my mouth, so we decided to go and have a coffee. Everything in this town seemed so different to me, as if we were 40 or 50 years back. It was so strange. Once served, we sat on table at the entrance of the coffee shop. Soon, a guy entered. He had no shirt, was covered of tatoos all over his body, and seemed like lost, as if he was looking for something. He came to us. He was drunk and had some difficulty to talk. I started to have some fear. He asked us if we had a cell phone that he could borrow. Immediately Erik answered yes. I was still with a fear of what might happen. As soon as I gave him the cell phone, I felt that I didn't want to stay in this fear. I didn't want seeing him like this. I felt it was such a great opportunity for me to wash away my beliefs about people looking like him, or about alcohol, or fear or futur, and fully being in the Moment and seeing him as Jesus. I remembered that miracle experience I had in Costa Rica last year, and started to repeat in my mind "you are me, I am you, you are perfect as you are and I love you". Very soon my mind shifted, and I was so determined to see Jesus in him, that I was seeing him, so pure and innocent. He was trying to reach his probation officer, but couldn't. And he seemed a bit worry about that. He talked, but I couldn't understand what he was saying, which felt very helpful to me, so that I was fully in the Moment, distracted by nothing. He thank us and shaked Erik's hand. Then he came to me and shaked mine. At that moment, I received a rush of Love pouring through me. I couldn't let go of his hand. I pressed it in my two hands this time, and looked at him in the eyes, telling him "everything's gonna be ok". I don't know how it came! But at that moment, it felt as if time stopped. No noise, nothing was going on! As if we were frozen. He then stepped back, thank us again, and seemed confused, and so different. I was also so deeply touched, I couldn't speak, and finally cried. What a Miracle! Three hours after having been made a Minister of God, here I was, fully used in my Function!
Since then, there is such a deep shift... I cannot express how grateful I am for this Moment!
And I deeply feel that through sharing this, it's the sharing of the Call that we all have deep down! Through that sharing, it's a reminder that right Now we can say YES!
With Love Eternally
Armelle
