I noticed that since yesterday, I have felt an uneasiness with Bonnie and Geoff that I define in relation to what I experienced... I put it to jealousy perhaps, because it justifies my belief that people do not like that I am completely happy....
I also feel a little uncomfortable because Geoff asked me if we were going to travel around the country once Erik was here... and since Bonnie had told me we could stay here until the conference, I then felt he had changed his mind, but didn’t dare to tell me! It brought me back to the belief that I bother people... I therefore asked my brother to express it, so I could see the presence of this belief and then look at it, release it...
So I questioned him, watching what was in my mind. Am I still competing, the "I am better than others"? I don’t think so, but in this sentence, there's me and the other... I simply see them as separated.
What would happen if none of this were true?? What would happen if I stopped telling myself these little stories?
While waiting for Bonnie to go listen to the national orchestra, a big first for me... I've never listened to classical music; I feel like a little girl, all excited, with sparkling eyes and open heart. And at the same time, there seems to be that, also... this flow of thoughts in my mind... I lie on my bed and close my eyes, just here, in the presence of the moment.
I question what is happening in my perception, because I am quite open to the fact that it could be nothing, it's just what I’m asking for... and it comes to me... Is there a problem with competition? Competition is just competition. Perhaps I don’t know what it really is... I then ask myself the same question in relation to jealousy... Where’s the problem? If I didn’t tell myself a story about it, everything is ok, if that’s what’s there, that’s what’s there, and it's perfect as is. I feel that all this leads me back to the here and now, instead of continuing to question myself and judge myself for hours. Everything is perfect as it is now, whatever...
I felt I released all my tension about it... This allowed me to see that, at this moment, in fact... I want to be loved by them. I want to be part of their complicity in some way I want to be their friend, their intimate one in the world, through words, acts... I see myself as a separate person who wants to join other separated people, and what I experience, is just that... Again, a defense to avoid simply being here, with all that is here... the joy of the little girl, in the present moment, what is here....
Thank you for showing me... thank you
While listening to the orchestra play this morning, I could see every thought that passed. It's amazing how many there are... Then the realization clearly came to me that we really have no choice, everything is already past. And all that must happen, will happen, whatever we do to prevent it. The same way everything that is not supposed to happen, won’t happen, whatever we do to try to force things. I then saw that it was the belief that we have choice that is the cause of suffering. Because without choice, I experience what I experience, and that's it. It’s what’s there, and I can’t change anything.
But if I have to choose, then I start to think "I shouldn’t have done that, I should have done this, and if I did that, and if I had chosen this instead, if I didn’t say that or if I said this, etc..." Anyway, we think we have the authority to make things different and we believe they would be better if they were different and that’s how the guilt comes in, because I didn’t make the right choice and so that’s why I’m experiencing what I’m experiencing, whatever it is.
And if I can also see it, just for what it is, without putting a judgment on it, or not telling myself a story about what happens, when I just look at what Is, life happens, takes place, without me feeling taken by the story, the emotion.
I also saw how strong the belief is that enlightenment or awakening must be something extraordinary. This can lead to the fact that one never stops at the ordinary, at the fullest simplicity, because it can’t just be that, it must be more. And so we continue to look again and again, never stopping, and passing, perhaps for a long time right next to what is and always has been... the obvious. Life is unfolding here, before our eyes, but we can’t see it, because we are too busy searching for... more, better, something else, the extraordinary.
What if that was exactly it? What if it was in the most ordinary...?
On Paltalk, the session was reading from the Course and there was a deep understanding of lack of choice and non-judgment of what is, from what I saw, which allowed me to be right there with what is. The lightness of life, that passes, that happens. Mmmh ....
What simple happiness, what lightness... to watch, to observe, to not judge... everything is ok ...
The reward today is still deep love, peace, and silence... It doesn't seem to be just an experience, it seems to be what is...
so much love, and thank you so much to all my brother who just reflect me that...
Armelle
Translation made by so dear Andy... with whom I am experiencing something really great in that "collaboration"... there is not really words for that, but as he told me, something like the oneness...Love Brother
Mar 1, 2010
Everyhting is already there...
After that day I could not sleep ... I kept that smile on my lips, I was seeing ... Life to be simply everything.That profound joy still inside me. I then feltpushed to open my Course, feeling that certain passages were going to be shown to me, given! I will share them, as well all my thoughts and what I felt, on what I opened my eyes ...
It occurs to me that really there is nothing to reject, everything to include ... and see what is, just for what it is. Because nothing takes a dramatic sense, if I don’t tell a story, if I don’t create any history, so I choose the blank page of "I do not know," in which, somehow I am born every minute ... in this not knowing, I live fully. Without any effort, without doing anything. I just let life be, unfold ... In full awareness of "I need to do nothing,” because Everything is already there, it's who we are. There is nothing to attain, nothing to find, just to stop and return to our initial condition, Oneness, to see that Everything is already there.
“Only those who give over all desire to reject can know that their own rejection is impossible.” T-3.VI.9
Any judgment is a rejection of me or my brother, ... and what I reject, repress, I amplify and give full reality ... otherwise I would just see it to be what it is ..
"No one dismisses something he considers part of himself." T-4.II.4:3
I encounter only myself ... when I am fully aware of that, would I still act the same way towards those that I seem to meet, encounter, who seem to be part of my life ... ?
"Do not make the pathetic error of ‘clinging to the old rugged cross.’ The only message of the crucifixion is that you can overcome the cross. Until then you are free tocrucify yourself as often as you choose." T-4.In.3:7
Stop clinging to history ... I have no cross to bear! I can let history be just a story, I do not identify with it ... I do not have to give it meaning, orjustify it or try to explain it, it's just a story, it is not even "my" story, it’s just a story that is part of the All ...
"Change is always fearful to the separated because they can not conceive of it as a step toward healing the separation. They always perceive it as a step towards further separation, because separation was their first experience of change." T-4.I.2.2
Dare to take a step ... because separation does not exist!
It’s like the deep belief that it would be better if it were different, or I'd be better if I had it or if I experienced that or if I was there or if that condition was met ... a belief very deeply rooted because it is the very one that made the belief in the separation ... because the Son wanted to see if there was something better, a tiny moment, hethought he had separated from God and was experiencing this life on earth ... because that is where the world appeared, to respond to the desire for more, better, different, other ... But there is no separation ...
In fact, wanting to wake up, wanting enlightenment, is the ego, the person who wants to wake up, but that's impossible ... For it is from the standpoint of separation and denial insaying that what is separated may become One. However, it is simply to recognize that the separation never happened, that it doesn’t exist, no more than the person who wants to awaken. It is therefore an unreachable "goal". For in the recognition of non-separation, there is the recognition that I'm already whole, and therefore there is no separate person, no person who may awaken. And the "I" who wants to wake up, vanished in the Whole. He does not awaken ... Therefore the recognition of what Is and has always been, can not happen, until "I" stop seeking to awaken ...
The ego does not exist, it's just a thought, a decision in the mind ... Since that day I said 'no' to guilt, no to the chatter of the ego, I realize that in fact there is no choice. There may seem to be a choice at the start ... a choice between following and listening to the ego or Spirit, but ultimately there is not. The ego is not; it is just anillusion, another story that is told about a story ... and then the Spirit is all that is.
There is no choice, no possibility of choice, nor even any possible control of anything; everything is already there... There remains just what is ... And it is in my desire or my attempt to make it mine, to describe it that I "lose" its essence. Because I want to put words, I want to explain what is unexplainable in words, I want to impose the separation on the Whole, the inseparable ... The thinking individual wants to understand, to ask questions ... and during that time, he is just choosing to be separate, to be an individual ...
There is nothing to understand, just be ... with what Is, whatever it is. Because anyway it's part of the All ... There is nothing to reject, everything to include! It’s because I tellstories about what I call my history, that I suffer. If I look at just what is, if I truly take what is for what it is ... anger for anger, fear for fear, sadness for sadness, etc. ... if I do not put any thought on it, if I don’t try to justify, to create a link with history, or a story that I tell, or they told me, if I just look at what is, then would there really a problem in experiencing it? Where is the problem experiencing this? That's just part of life, it is life because it's part of everything ...
Armelle
Translated by our friend Andy
It occurs to me that really there is nothing to reject, everything to include ... and see what is, just for what it is. Because nothing takes a dramatic sense, if I don’t tell a story, if I don’t create any history, so I choose the blank page of "I do not know," in which, somehow I am born every minute ... in this not knowing, I live fully. Without any effort, without doing anything. I just let life be, unfold ... In full awareness of "I need to do nothing,” because Everything is already there, it's who we are. There is nothing to attain, nothing to find, just to stop and return to our initial condition, Oneness, to see that Everything is already there.
“Only those who give over all desire to reject can know that their own rejection is impossible.” T-3.VI.9
Any judgment is a rejection of me or my brother, ... and what I reject, repress, I amplify and give full reality ... otherwise I would just see it to be what it is ..
"No one dismisses something he considers part of himself." T-4.II.4:3
I encounter only myself ... when I am fully aware of that, would I still act the same way towards those that I seem to meet, encounter, who seem to be part of my life ... ?
"Do not make the pathetic error of ‘clinging to the old rugged cross.’ The only message of the crucifixion is that you can overcome the cross. Until then you are free tocrucify yourself as often as you choose." T-4.In.3:7
Stop clinging to history ... I have no cross to bear! I can let history be just a story, I do not identify with it ... I do not have to give it meaning, orjustify it or try to explain it, it's just a story, it is not even "my" story, it’s just a story that is part of the All ...
"Change is always fearful to the separated because they can not conceive of it as a step toward healing the separation. They always perceive it as a step towards further separation, because separation was their first experience of change." T-4.I.2.2
Dare to take a step ... because separation does not exist!
It’s like the deep belief that it would be better if it were different, or I'd be better if I had it or if I experienced that or if I was there or if that condition was met ... a belief very deeply rooted because it is the very one that made the belief in the separation ... because the Son wanted to see if there was something better, a tiny moment, hethought he had separated from God and was experiencing this life on earth ... because that is where the world appeared, to respond to the desire for more, better, different, other ... But there is no separation ...
In fact, wanting to wake up, wanting enlightenment, is the ego, the person who wants to wake up, but that's impossible ... For it is from the standpoint of separation and denial insaying that what is separated may become One. However, it is simply to recognize that the separation never happened, that it doesn’t exist, no more than the person who wants to awaken. It is therefore an unreachable "goal". For in the recognition of non-separation, there is the recognition that I'm already whole, and therefore there is no separate person, no person who may awaken. And the "I" who wants to wake up, vanished in the Whole. He does not awaken ... Therefore the recognition of what Is and has always been, can not happen, until "I" stop seeking to awaken ...
The ego does not exist, it's just a thought, a decision in the mind ... Since that day I said 'no' to guilt, no to the chatter of the ego, I realize that in fact there is no choice. There may seem to be a choice at the start ... a choice between following and listening to the ego or Spirit, but ultimately there is not. The ego is not; it is just anillusion, another story that is told about a story ... and then the Spirit is all that is.
There is no choice, no possibility of choice, nor even any possible control of anything; everything is already there... There remains just what is ... And it is in my desire or my attempt to make it mine, to describe it that I "lose" its essence. Because I want to put words, I want to explain what is unexplainable in words, I want to impose the separation on the Whole, the inseparable ... The thinking individual wants to understand, to ask questions ... and during that time, he is just choosing to be separate, to be an individual ...
There is nothing to understand, just be ... with what Is, whatever it is. Because anyway it's part of the All ... There is nothing to reject, everything to include! It’s because I tellstories about what I call my history, that I suffer. If I look at just what is, if I truly take what is for what it is ... anger for anger, fear for fear, sadness for sadness, etc. ... if I do not put any thought on it, if I don’t try to justify, to create a link with history, or a story that I tell, or they told me, if I just look at what is, then would there really a problem in experiencing it? Where is the problem experiencing this? That's just part of life, it is life because it's part of everything ...
Armelle
Translated by our friend Andy
...
I wake up, still in that same state, this same constency... as if the mind was expanding, as if there was no thought, as if I don't know anything anymore... what a lightness, Happiness...
At the breakfast, we are all there, and I am just present, and in the same time I have the impression that « I » am not there... I don't have anything to say. I just sit at the table, in the presence. Really strong. No thought. I am looking at the mountains in front of me, and... I see them... just that, what IS, so simply...
When it's time to leave to go to the market, I feel being a bit weak, and I need to sit, I will almost fall apart. I feel I should better stay here and rest, it's as if there is something that wants to emerge... but I really want to go to the market... fruits, vegetables, people, colors... the excitation of the little girl is there.. So I go with Bonnie and Geoff.
I am really silent today. No need for talking. In the car, I realize that I am Love with everything... trees, flowers, colors of the houses, as if it was the first time that I see it, as if I had not seen anything until now... people... every person I see in the street, although we are in the car, driving, I feel a so deep love.. wow, wonderful, so huge! And it's like this for everything... I have the impression that everything is me... Or there is no « me » and just everything...
At the market, I am still in that, an very intense love. Being there, but not there... as if something far much bigger than « me » is there.. (hard to explain really what I feel) This love for everybody is so strong. May be even too strong, in once. Again, I have the impression I'll fall apart, I'll leave. As if all what I am living is so strong that the mind cannot stand it. It's as if I was going into transe.. I sit on the sidewalk, and the body starts to move by itself. I am looking to what is happening. It's as if the mind is releasing. I just stay present to what is, to let what is be, not resisting to anything, just being there, with that. And it's seems crazy... I feel so much at peace, and happy too... as if a new door was opening. I have to stop several times on the way back to the car! Finally I found myself laying down on a sidewalk, legs hold by Ricardo, a very nice guy, that brought me a glass of ice, gave me his hat to have some shadow, and just tells me to relax, take the time, just let go, everything's ok... « oh yeah, everything's ok... even more than ok... so wonderful... I am so happy!! » I feel so good, completely taken care by the presence, as if I was in the arms of God, in the All... I am so happy... surrounded, being in a so deep peace, a so deep love... That's all there is..
After a nap, I give the paltalk. I am still in that deep peace, wonderful.So true, talking about the concept of Armelle, being naked, talking about the way the spiritual ego is working for me, all those stories of the last days, weekd... so powerful.
Once again, I realize deeper, how the words coming from the heaviness, the … of the other day, with Walter and Don, are so powerful, and have a lot of sense...
« accept being there, accept being on earth. Stop running... » I hear them now, today. I understand them. Accept, just accept. Let go the attachment to the story. Stop to tell you stories about the story, stop seeking again and again, still farther, still something else, just STOP... et look... it's already there.. here is what I am hearing today, here is what I am living today... pure happiness...
Later in the day, I was receiving a massage, and as I was still in that so deep love state, including everything, it was as if I was « feeling » the mountain, as the person who was giving the massage. As if everything was « me », in « me ». Hard really to explain, put words on it. Still being in that very deep wholeness...
I was watching all that closer... and I noticed that evey time I was thinking about that, as a way of capturing it, of fixing it to describe it, I wasn't in that, as if it was going away. But really, I had put thought again on that instead of just being... Everything. I was asking again by that simple thought, to be separated again. Then I had the impression that really we are always in that « state », as soon as we stop thinking, in this present moment, where Everything is, which is pure Love for everything. And as soon as there is a passing thought, personality comes back at the first plan... here ic how I would describe it.
I am in that deep peace, and watch what's happening... There is silent inside... I am the silent, now! Mmm...
Armelle
At the breakfast, we are all there, and I am just present, and in the same time I have the impression that « I » am not there... I don't have anything to say. I just sit at the table, in the presence. Really strong. No thought. I am looking at the mountains in front of me, and... I see them... just that, what IS, so simply...
When it's time to leave to go to the market, I feel being a bit weak, and I need to sit, I will almost fall apart. I feel I should better stay here and rest, it's as if there is something that wants to emerge... but I really want to go to the market... fruits, vegetables, people, colors... the excitation of the little girl is there.. So I go with Bonnie and Geoff.
I am really silent today. No need for talking. In the car, I realize that I am Love with everything... trees, flowers, colors of the houses, as if it was the first time that I see it, as if I had not seen anything until now... people... every person I see in the street, although we are in the car, driving, I feel a so deep love.. wow, wonderful, so huge! And it's like this for everything... I have the impression that everything is me... Or there is no « me » and just everything...
At the market, I am still in that, an very intense love. Being there, but not there... as if something far much bigger than « me » is there.. (hard to explain really what I feel) This love for everybody is so strong. May be even too strong, in once. Again, I have the impression I'll fall apart, I'll leave. As if all what I am living is so strong that the mind cannot stand it. It's as if I was going into transe.. I sit on the sidewalk, and the body starts to move by itself. I am looking to what is happening. It's as if the mind is releasing. I just stay present to what is, to let what is be, not resisting to anything, just being there, with that. And it's seems crazy... I feel so much at peace, and happy too... as if a new door was opening. I have to stop several times on the way back to the car! Finally I found myself laying down on a sidewalk, legs hold by Ricardo, a very nice guy, that brought me a glass of ice, gave me his hat to have some shadow, and just tells me to relax, take the time, just let go, everything's ok... « oh yeah, everything's ok... even more than ok... so wonderful... I am so happy!! » I feel so good, completely taken care by the presence, as if I was in the arms of God, in the All... I am so happy... surrounded, being in a so deep peace, a so deep love... That's all there is..
After a nap, I give the paltalk. I am still in that deep peace, wonderful.So true, talking about the concept of Armelle, being naked, talking about the way the spiritual ego is working for me, all those stories of the last days, weekd... so powerful.
Once again, I realize deeper, how the words coming from the heaviness, the … of the other day, with Walter and Don, are so powerful, and have a lot of sense...
« accept being there, accept being on earth. Stop running... » I hear them now, today. I understand them. Accept, just accept. Let go the attachment to the story. Stop to tell you stories about the story, stop seeking again and again, still farther, still something else, just STOP... et look... it's already there.. here is what I am hearing today, here is what I am living today... pure happiness...
I also found myself telling the story of the wave when I went to bathe, the final afternoon before leaving Dominical. And in that moment, I grasped the full dimension of this moment of my entrance into the sea and my rising on this wave, super high and mighty that whipped me and made me back up it was so strong. That day, she had "cleaned," washed all these stories of the past, brought them into the here and now ... Today, as I tell it, tears come, my throat tightens, my voice is lower, my emotion is strong ... and if that was it? And if it was just that? Life that has, itself, "hit" me full in the body, woken me up, and reminded me of the presence of Now, which is all that Is... And if it was Life, disguised as a wave ...? Silence, I am touched ...
Later in the day, I was receiving a massage, and as I was still in that so deep love state, including everything, it was as if I was « feeling » the mountain, as the person who was giving the massage. As if everything was « me », in « me ». Hard really to explain, put words on it. Still being in that very deep wholeness...
I was watching all that closer... and I noticed that evey time I was thinking about that, as a way of capturing it, of fixing it to describe it, I wasn't in that, as if it was going away. But really, I had put thought again on that instead of just being... Everything. I was asking again by that simple thought, to be separated again. Then I had the impression that really we are always in that « state », as soon as we stop thinking, in this present moment, where Everything is, which is pure Love for everything. And as soon as there is a passing thought, personality comes back at the first plan... here ic how I would describe it.
I am in that deep peace, and watch what's happening... There is silent inside... I am the silent, now! Mmm...
Armelle
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