Merry Christmas letter

A few days ago, the day before Christmas Eve, I was feeling a lot of conflict in relationship to my extended family and friend network - you know, all the people I've grown up with and who have known me for a long time. There had been all kinds of holiday parties going on that I hadn't felt inspired to go to, and I was feeling a bit guilty about that. My dad expressed that he was feeling sad that Armelle and I weren't sharing ourselves with everyone, and he expressed concern that we were denying them and ourselves the joy of connecting.

The greatest source of my conflict, however, was the fact that I wasn't sure if I was even feeling inspired to go to the big, traditional Christmas Eve and Christmas Day parties with the whole family! I felt a strong feeling of obligation to go and to share Armelle with everyone, but Armelle wasn't feeling very inspired to be amongst all my family, and I mostly just wanted to be with her and do whatever she wanted to do. Yet, the pressure I was putting on myself (but thinking was coming from the family) to attend the traditional dinners felt SO huge that I had a major conflict in my mind!

To resolve the conflict, the first thing I did was talk everything through with Armelle and with some other "mighty companions", and I came to the realization that the most gentle thing for me to do would be to just decide on definitely going to the Christmas Eve party, whether Armelle was going to join me or not. As it turned out, she decided to not go with me to that party, but the next day she got the prompt to go with me to the big Christmas party if I wanted to, which ended up being a wonderful time!

The other thing I did to resolve the conflict I'd been feeling though, was to write a Christmas letter to my entire network of family and friends, just to share with them exactly what's going on with me these days and how I'm doing. This was actually my dad's idea, as he had been having a difficult time knowing what to say to friends and family of ours who, at these holiday parties that I was skipping, were asking him what I was up to these days. Most of them knew that my life had gone through a radical shift in the past year, that I'd gotten gotten married and was on some sort of spiritual path, but (I assume) they were wondering, "Now that he's back in town, what is he doing, and why isn't here at this party??"

Lol... or maybe that's all just MY projection, since I think I'm so darn special... ;-)

Anyway, my dad asked me if I'd be willing to write an email to everyone explaining what I was up to, so that if they asked him, he could just whip the letter out of his pocket and have them read it! At first, I didn't like this idea, but then I felt it was really a prompt from the Spirit to get clear within myself about who I am now in relationship with my past network of family and friends. I had been feeling a bit of embarrassment about my "radical" spiritual path, and not knowing quite how to explain it to certain people when they asked, and so this would be my opportunity to clarify all of that, not just for them but for myself.

So after many hours of composing the letter on my laptop, I ended up sending an email to virtually EVERYONE I KNOW... expressing exactly what I'm up to now and what my life is all about now. And it felt so, SO GOOD!!! It was like a huge "enrollment conversation" (for those of you who know Landmark Education terminology), wherein I was completely releasing myself from who I had been with them in the past, and enrolling everyone in Who I Am NOW!

After I hit 'send' on the email, I could feel something HUGE shifting inside of me. It was the same as when I've shared private thoughts in the past with a mighty companion in order to release them from my mind. I no longer had to hide my spirituality anymore. It was like coming out of the closet! And later, when I ended up going to the Christmas parties and seeing everyone, I received lots of wonderful expressions of gratitude from them for having updated them on my life these days. I also received lots of replies to the email, all expressing gratitude for having shared myself so fully. Overall, it was one of the most healing things I've done lately!

So thank you, Holy Spirit through my dad, for prompting me to write this letter and to free myself from the past! I now stand in certainty that I can proudly proclaim my True Purpose in life to anyone and everyone who wants to know!

Here is the letter I wrote, in case you want to read it...

Dear Family & Friends,

I just wanted to write you all a Christmas letter to express how much I love you! Some of you I haven‘t seen or spoken to you in quite some time, but I wanted you to know how grateful I am for who you‘ve been to me in my life. I know I’ve been a bit of a recluse lately since Armelle and I got back to the States, and that many of you have been wondering “where’s Waldo?”, but I just wanted to reassure you that I’m doing well! I’m not as social as I once was - much more quiet and contemplative now - but I'm full of happiness, and I thought I’d take this opportunity to simply share with you a bit of what’s going on in my life these days.

As most of you know, my life has gone through quite a radical change this past year and a half. It began last April 2009 when I became inspired to take a leap of faith; to give up my hypnotherapy career, sell my house and 99% of my possessions, and devote my life fully to being a traveling minstrel for God, just going where invited and trusting in the Hands of Life to lead and support me in every way. For several months, I simply traveled where invited, wrote and played songs about my spiritual journey, and deepened in my faith that living this way was really possible and sustainable.

Then in October last year, an incredible miracle happened when Armelle, who I’d heard of through friends in our spiritual community but never met personally, called me one day to share that she felt she was receiving Divine Guidance that we were to be married in 15 days! Strangely, I felt a deep sense of peace and joy wash over me when she shared this news, even though I knew very little about her. When we got off the phone, I felt a war beginning to rage between my head and my heart. Actually it was only my head that was doing the fighting, while my heart was experiencing an Absolute Certainty that was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. I knew within a half an hour of getting off the phone that I was indeed going to marry her. We spent the next week talking on the phone for about three hours a day, sharing from our hearts all our fears about taking this leap of faith together. I then flew to Cincinatti where I had planned to be already, we met in person for the first time, and one week later we were married. It was the most Joyful day of my life up until that point, and if you want proof, you can watch it on YouTube!

Since getting married, we’ve been on a “Sharing Love World Tour” - which we chronicled on our blog (www.sharingloveworldtour.blogspot.com). We traveled to several countries around the world where we were invited, sharing our experience with people, sharing our creative gifts, and building the foundation of our first year of marriage. It’s been joyful and exciting, but also full of challenges and profound opportunities for inner growth. I never thought I’d get married, but now that I am, I feel completely different from who I was. I was always such an independent and commitment-phobic person who just wanted to be “free“ (as Armelle was, too), but now I can see how valuable it is to be totally devoted to one person. Everyday is a blessed opportunity to use our relationship as a spiritual classroom for learning trust, patience, and forgiveness.

Since being back in Petaluma (I arrived Oct 1st; Armelle arrived Nov 5th after obtaining her green card approval) we’ve mostly been spending quiet time in what we call our “sanctuary” (my dad’s upstairs Yoga/meditation room) simply studying, meditating, talking, watching inspirational movies, and volunteering on projects for our church (www.livingmiraclescenter.org). Armelle is working on translating many of their materials from English to French, and I am currently organizing a three-hour seminar in San Anselmo called “Practicing Holy Relationship” that we, along with a couple friends who are ministers of the church, will offer in February. I’m also working on my music a bit, as well as learning how to play piano, which I’m enjoying immensely!

Overall, things are wonderful and I feel such gratitude for the way Life has nurtured me all along. I look back on the incredible foundation that I was brought up in, with such a loving and supportive network of family and friends, and I cannot help but feel what a unique blessing it has been. All of you have contributed to my life in your own unique way, and I just want to thank you for being who and what you have been for me. I don’t know when exactly our paths will cross again, as I feel my life is totally in God’s Hands now and that my happiness lies in going only where He/She directs me, but I know that our true relationship is in Spirit and I will love you always.

Merry Christmas,
Erik

P.S. My new cell phone number is 707-364-0957. Please feel free to call or email me anytime if you wish to connect, ask me any questions about my life, or share something from yours.

This is my dream! Why do I use it for? Specialness or holiness?

Two or three days ago, I deeply realized that I am not part of anyone else's dream, that it is all mine. There is no one outside my mind. So they have no power over me in anyway, even when it seems to be so, I am still the one giving them the power to have the power over me.... hum hum, aren't we crazy? oh no, we just forgot to laugh!No one can ask anything of me, or take anything from me...This is just impossible!

So all what's happening is really there because I want it to be there and ot be exactly the way it is... If I really would had want it any other, that's how it would have been... so no need to complain, be a victim, try to change anything, for I am exactly where I am supposed to be at the perfect time to learn the perfect lesson, right now! And even more, that's what I want. Even if I don't seem to know it, or recognize it and think I'd like things to be different...

Later I went on MMT and started the "special relationship" section! Oh my God, powerful! I did the first part, and when arrived at the assignement, that was so releasing and so great to put all my thoughts, even the hidden one, on the paper, and giving them to the Spirit, to see so clearly how the desire for specialness is still playing but in a more hidden way now, more tricky!!

I just had been offered a pair of shoes by Erik's mother, and I took it as because I am Erik's wife, feeling also that I've been feeling I wouldn't have to buy shoes, that will be given to me... but it wasn't just that, not just coming from the Spirit!

Then we went to the Monday Course Group, about the Text. And in the car, I was saying to Erik that I'd like to have my Course in english, that would be easier for me. He proposed me one, but it's another version that I had in mind. When I arrived there, I borrowed one from the library, and Sharen offered it to me! Wow, shall and you will receive I thought! So fast! And here it felt totally Spirit given.

As soon as we started the meditation, I had that realization coming to me....

It's never the others who give me the specialness! It's only my choice, regarding which purpose I want to use them for? To reinforce what?

If I want to be special, I'll see specialness, ego, attachement, roles even, maybe even feel emprisoned, will suffocate and want to leavein some cases .

If I want to follow the Spirit, to Be Who I Am, I'll see His "footprints" everywhere I go, in everything I do, in every encounter I have, I'll see Love and only Love, for there is only Love...

So I have to come to see what I am doing, what I am trully wanting, asking and taking everything I'm projecting back to me in order for it to be released. Otherwise I'll be keeping projecting it and seeing it in others, as if they were doing something to me... which is impossible! I'm only doing that to myself. And I have the power to release everyone in me!

"Make this year different by making it all the same" T-15.XI.10

yes, it's all the same, I am the one choosing to see difference, separation, even the possibility that things could be different!


With Love and Gratitude to Him to show me everything I've been hiding from my awareness and undo the blocks so that I remember Who I Am in every moment...

Armelle