Reward of the mind training

I just had spoken during for one hour with Erik, it was wonderful. We had discussed about the fact he has some fears about not finishing his taxes on time, for Monday, to come and join me here in Costa Rica, and about his feelings every time he has to take care of that. I told it was the perfect opportunity to watch his thoughts and beliefs that are in the way for doing it joyfully, and we came to the authority problem. Wonderful! Later, at the end of the conversation, he talked about his projects for the next days, and I started to feel some emotions coming up. I was strongly feeling rejected of all those events. I could see how the fact of having taking this plane and having gone to the States without being assured that I could come in during the immigration process, had a cost that I was paying. It was the first thought. And then, that it was making me working a lot on my beliefs. I heard the HS telling me that the rejection doesn't exist. Then I didn't want to talk for I could see the temptation to blame Erik, and shared it with him, because he had told me he had some fears of not having time to finish his taxes this week, and he had planned a lot of other things to do... and he was telling me that now, at the end of the convesation, when we were ready to hang up. I stayed silent for a while, letting be what was there, not knowing what it was reflecting for me. I felt there was a consciousness of what was, but it wasn't really clear, yet. Finally, I hung up. That was what I felt the most.

I was preparing my lunch, and suddenly, I saw everything so clearly. And i felt I was guided to share with Erik the ego game I was seeing, or the HS was showing me, for I wasn't really aware at first. So I wrote him, very clearly all what was coming. I was feeling it wasn't coming from me, and still I wanted to stay carefull, taking the full responsibility of my sharing and that I was completely open to be wrong, being still a bit attached to the fact that I was the one seemingly having emotions coming up. But I still did it, I was feeling so strongly I was pushed to do it. And I told everything, and I was feeling so much at peace, even joyful, very light.

I still questionned all that afterwards, because I was thinking I wasn't really objective to say all that, as I had felt that strong emotion with his sharing. So I went in my room, lay down on the bed, and listened to a part of a David's talk. And one moment, everything just came to me, like that. No, I didn't have any anger. No, I wasn't feeling any fear of beinf rejected, not being loved, or whatever, no fear. And no, I didn't have any doubt about what I had shared, nor on the fact that I was guided to do so.

Nothing, nothing of all that. I was so joyful, so happy. I've done it, yeah. I could do it. I could speak up, without any doubt, without judging me, without any guilt... All those strong emotions of those last days, of those last weeks for that, to finally feeling free to speak up, to follow my guidance, and being simply true to myself... It's happiness. I am so happy. I feel it's burning in me...

I feel writing also my experience with the fear of this morning.

A huge step has been taken, a giant step!
I don't have any fear, for now, I don't have any. I don't have any anymore;
I just See...

I love you so much dear Brother... this path is so wonderful
Armelle

It's not what I believed

This morning I felt some fear coming up, and immediately, I got the image of the vision I had last week, when Erik was bringing me to the airport.

We were on a big avenue with houses or apartments on each side. We were stopped at the red light, and a guy was crossing the street. In that moment, it was like if the image was fixed, as if everything had stopped. And then I got a vision-intuition (hard to describe with words), as a huge, giant universal consciousness field, where are all the thoughts. And depending on where we are, what we do, we grasp some thoughts from this field.

But there were no people, there is just like robots which are functioning, and when they grasp on a thought, they believe that it's theirs, and so they start to live, to go, to react to it. And actually it's the fact of having thoughts, to which they are identifying that make them exist. (and the vision stopped there. And I felt how much the HS was using that vision to teach me the Truth about who I am.

And as I was writing just that, my fingers started to type so fast on the keyboard, and here is what came from that...)

For without that, (without the fact that the robots identify with those thoughts that come from the field) there would just be NOTHING, emptiness, a universal field of consciousness, made of thoughts, without anything to receive it, and so without any purpose to that. And so, as there wouldn't be anybody to receive it, or even to know that there is this field, the field would have no existence at all.

Because it's like the story of the tree that falls in the forest; if there is nobody to hear it, it doesn't make any noise! And here, if there is nobody to take the thoughts, if there is just nothing, then the existence of the field in itself has to be questioned, for may be, it simply doesn't exist...

And all that is actually a wonderful metaphor of the ego and about how by identifying ourselves with those thoughts, we believe we are human.. and that that's how things are...

And actually, really, nothing exists. And there would be no story, no time, no space if we didn't choose to grasp those passing thoughts, and also make it a story... to go on proving again and again that we are existing. But it's not true! These are just thoughts that give us the illusion of existing! There is no existence at all... waw it's huge, and my fingers go on to type on the keyboard to let all that coming up... huge!!

So I just had that vision, as I was looking at the fear, having already said to myself that this fear is not who I am. And this has come to reinforce the fact that truly, I am not this fear, and that I am not that story and so that this fear can be, it can't touch me, nor move me. It's there, and that's all!

And even more, I don't know really what fear is. I believe I know because I am telling myself a story about that, that I have been told, and then that I told to myself, by associating other stories that were showing me again and again what it is. They were stories who were justifying what I believed about fear. But may be I am wrong. May be that fear is not that... and what would it be if it wasn't that?

I could then see fear as fear. A word, without story! For fear, with all the stories I think believing about it, finally what is it? A means to tell me again and again that I am right to believe in all that, and that I exist. For if there weren't all those stories about fear, then I could see just fear. And it would just be a thought, that passes, and there would just be a robot. And so « I » wouldn't exist. So why do I still want to tell myself all those stories about fear? Just to go on believing to all those stories, because it has been years and years that I have been believing to all those stories. And it's them, and them alone, nourished by the thoughts coming from the universal field of consciousness, that make that there is a « I » that exists.

So I say thank you to the fear. Thanks to you, I can see all that! And it's really huge. I say thank you, for today, I can see you for what you also truly are, just fear.

With so much love

Armelle

Come and See

This morning, after having translated the post I wrote about "questionning the beliefs in the special relationship", our friend Andy wrote me, for he had read this in David Hoffmeister's book, and thought about my post,and so he shared it with me, and I feel sharing it here too....

"Teaching and learning true forgiveness is being aware that one is never upset by anything but erroneous thoughts, and that those erroneous thoughts can be released. True forgiveness is the release of all hurts, grievances and grudges that block the awareness of the Divine Love that is God-given and exists in everyone and everything. True forgiveness is releasing all anger, hatred, guilt and fear by seeing that they came from an error, a mistaken belief, in forgetting the Love of God. Living and extending inner peace is the natural result of true forgiveness, for when error has been laid aside and a healing Correction accepted in its place, peace prevails. To extend peace, one must be peaceful. To teach peace, one must learn it for oneself. No one can offer a gift they do not already possess. Likewise, peace of mind cannot be found outside one’s own mind, for it depends not on the world. Peace comes from God and is a natural extension of God. Therefore prayer and meditation are advocated as means to inner peace and harmony. Religion is the experience of inner peace. Education, which is the unlearning of falsity, is but a means of coming to the experience of inner peace.

We were brought together by God to serve the Plan of Awakening, to treat each other with dignity, respect, kindness, and holiness, and to Awaken to our Divine Love. We approach our Purpose for coming together with great reverence and devotion. It is the core of our Life in God. Our relationship is our Relationship with everything and everyone, for we live and love as God lives and loves, unconditionally, all-inclusively, and free of specialness. There is no jealousy or exclusion in Love. We join with all in experiencing the all-inclusiveness of the family of God, where no brother or sister is seen as separate or apart from the Whole of God. Our hearts are filled with Love and gratitude for our Relationship in God. We are glad that this joy is not dependent on where bodies seem to be or whether or not they seem to be together. We are created by a Pure Idea, and we are like our Source. We are Spirit as God is Spirit, and we are overflowing with thankfulness that this truth is dawning as the Mind we share. Our walk together is for the Purpose of accepting our Divine Source and laying aside all thought of the world as the source of anything."

David Hoffmeister, Awakening through A Course in Miracles, "Come and See."

Eternal Love
Armelle

Game with consciousness (add to previous post)

I had just taken a shower when I felt a strong desire to call Erik, but I had no real reason, so I did not want to do it, because I was imagining not get news from him, that he did not care. Then I started to feel sad, thinking about what I had written above about how I see the ego functioning. And I wanted to share it with him, but at the same time, I was embarrassed because it concerns him and that I seem to have a very big attachment to "him" and it bothers me. And, as he told me, it is actually my personality that has an attachment to anything else, and I seem to be wanting it existing still. So I planned to talk with Suzanne. Then I asked Holy Spirit to show me clearly what to do... and Erik called me, it was magic.

I told him about all this and during our conversation, I realized that in fact the ego is very vicious, here also, because I was certainly guided to contact him and I started to feel embarrassed because I had nothing special to share and that obviously I should have something to tell him in order to call. And that's how the ego works, I have guidance and then a thought "Oh that must be ego" comes, and it is precisely the ego. For, once thinking occurred, I was back into the Armelle story.
Then I began to feel sad over all that I was clearly discovering about my special relationship with him, so I wanted to tell him, but I felt bad speaking personally about it to him, then it was like I became sad because I do not have a good reason to talk to him, but I feel joining with him, and by playing this game he would pay attention to me or take care of me! But actually I'm doing really well, everything is going perfectly!!
Our sharings are becoming richer and deeper and it's wonderful to see how both of us are coming together to go still further and feel how love burns even in the silences...

And obviously, that's what the ego wants to avoid; it doesn’t want there to be intimacy, truth, too much contact, or honesty, because in the real encounter with my brother, it disappears little by little, because it is its "death" that’s occurring, or at least its absence, reflecting that it doesn’t exist.

So I expose again and again, all these thoughts that are it, but not who I am, because I want to really know my Self and recognize that ultimately it never existed and all that is a big game... which I continue to play with consciousness...

I love you so much all my Brothers in the heart of Christ, that We are...
Armelle

Questioning beliefs in the special relationship

Today I felt inspired to go a little further into my beliefs and emotions related to the special relationship. So I dove into the section on the holy relationship and mind training, and here are the questions, quite useful, in my opinion, that I found. It brought me a lot of clarity about the relationships we have in general in this world...

How do I feel about letting go and what do I think love is?

Frightened, alone, empty. It is as if what I think love is keeps me alive, feeds me, fills me. Without it I don’t exist. I can clearly see that my definition of love maintains the identity of the character Armelle. I thought that love was romance, abetting, truth, sharing, freedom to be, but it's as if all that is only a facade and that behind these beautiful words is all that one really does with it...

Love is suffering, loss, reciprocity, compromise, eating, devouring, killing. I feed myself on the other. I have seen recently that if the other is happy, I somehow want to kill him. I project all kinds of emotions or images on him, to deprive him of happiness, because if he has it, I don’t! I must kill my brothers, to take what I see they have, because if it is in them, it is not in me. Love is an act of ongoing cannibalism, where I must be stronger to win happiness, to survive. If I feel deprived of something or lacking, it must be because of the other. Because if I feel a lack, I don’t have it. And if I don’t have it, it is the other who has it. He is therefore necessarily guilty. I feed on the other to fill my emptiness, who in turn will feed on me; it's a game of constant attack and defense. Because when I've had enough of being "eaten," I will defend myself to stop it, then I will protect myself, and attack even more. A game of alternating victim and executioner.

It is very helpful to see this, because it has nothing to do with love...

How do I feel in a relationship where I am not special?

I feel I don’t exist. For the specialness makes me believe that I exist. I exist as a separate person, what I have experienced until now; and therefore I feel frightened and sad to not be special, also not loved and unworthy. Yes, really worthless, because I think that I'm built on the fact that love must be earned; it isn’t something natural, which simply is. And since love means to be special, if I am not special, I am not loved. So what I am doing is not enough, as I identify with what I do, that means that I am not enough, that I really have no value, I'm not even capable of being loved, I am really less than nothing. This is my death... the death of my character, as I see it. Because all this is only a construction, based on beliefs and a past that proves and justifies the beliefs.

How do I feel in a relationship where I am loved in the same way as everyone else?

I feel that it is not true and that people are hypocritical at times. I want to show that I exist, I want to make a difference, I feel like I'm dying, don’t exist. I want to do everything to attract attention, regardless of how. I want to be the most loved. It is as if there was a challenge to win. I then create a competition and I experience jealousy, envy. I suffer from not being recognized, from feeling I have no value, and again, I feel really unworthy of being loved, nothing.

What does this mean?

I want to maintain special relations to maintain my character, the Armelle identity intact, still connected with the story that has been told for years.

But I notice that the special relationship prevents my realization of the vastness of Oneness, of All, it’s the major block. At the same moment I ask myself: Who is the “I” who wants to maintain special relationships in order to exist, to not feel empty, to not feel unworthy? It is the character! And what is the character? In fact, it’s the universal ego mind, which ultimately does not exist. So it’s something that doesn’t exist, trying to maintain something that doesn’t exist, to have the impression of, the illusion of, existing. And the character in itself doesn’t exist, yet in fact, is part of everything.

There is no longer a "doer", or one who does, who speaks, who seems to be, is no longer important. Whatever the form, words, deeds, body, everything happens beyond that. There is only one experience of being, in the moment, unaware of an identity or of a character who plays, but just being, there, here, with what is present, in the moment, without any past or future, in a single moment that exists only now, will never be again, and has never been. A blank page is written and fades gradually as it fills. When I write the second letter of the word, the first vanishes because the first letter is already past, and therefore no longer exists. The consciousness of being where Everything Is, without separation, all making part of the Whole, and the whole is not complete without the parts, which are transcended in the Whole. Nothing to reject, everything to include.

With Love in the sharing of the Truth, that we are

Armelle