Letting the Holy Spirit be in charge

As some of you may already know, Armelle and I have applied for her to get a Visa for permanent residency in the US (also known as a "green card") since we have been married last October. The process takes several months, and we are now at the stage where there is a lot of paperwork that needs to be filled out, in a very detailed and precise fashion, with no mistakes whatsoever. Since English is my first language and not Armelle's, I've been the one in charge of reading all the fine print and making sure that we are doing everything properly for the U.S. government.

In the past, things like this (i.e. doing my taxes)have felt very stressful, and now with this current undertaking, I sometimes am tempted to fall back into old patterns of thinking about it which trigger that same stress. Fortunately, the Course has taught me a new way of thinking which can be applied to absolutely anything in life in order to experience a sense of peace and flow.

What I've seen is that the stress only comes when I am trying to rely on myself alone to get the job done. But when I put the Holy Spirit in charge, and completely give up ALL of my ideas about how I think I should do things (easier said than done), then things ALWAYS flow FAR more smoothly.

In this case, with the immigration paperwork for Armelle, I've been feeling some stress lately from thinking that I need to get it done as quickly as possible, so that Armelle can immigrate as soon as possible. But whenever I make a goal out of anything other than the Peace of God (i.e. a quick immigration time) then it is impossible to experience true inner peace. As the Course teaches in so many words, true inner peace (the Peace of God) can ONLY be experienced when it is the only goal we hold in our minds. As soon as ANY worldly goal enters our mind, it blots out God from our awareness, and thus we cut ourselves off from the Source of true Strength.

So today, I've committed myself to simply "sitting at the feet" of the Holy Spirit to wait for my next instruction. I trust that He has everyone's best interest at heart, and will inform me of exactly what I am to do next regarding all this paperwork, exactly when I am supposed to do it. In this way, I am relieved of the burden of trying to decide everything using my limited intellect (very stressful)!

And even if I only hear the Holy Spirit a small fraction of the time such that I am only able to hear instructions for one small task per day, that's okay. Everything will still get done far more gracefully and smoothly than if I had "muscled through it" and tried to do everything as quickly as possible using my own mind alone. The Holy Spirit has wisdom that is far greater than my own, with a bird's eye view of the entire script of time and space, so only He can Guide me toward exactly what will be helpful at each step of the way.

And even if I fall into the trap of following my ego for a while and seem to get "off track" with a project, the Holy Spirit is like a GPS system in a car - it can always be "reset" to give you the fastest path to where you're going, even if you've missed some of its prior directions and have gotten "lost". In truth, we are never lost. We are just sometimes taking a longer pathway back to the awareness of God's Presence, which is the only Goal that matters. Everything else in this world is just a "backdrop", or a context for training the mind to listen more and more to only the Holy Spirit.

So today I trust Him completely. I trust that even though my fear sometimes leads me to take foolish actions which are hurried and awkward, I can't ever make a "fatal" mistake in truth. What I am is eternal, and I can never die. Whether Armelle gets her Visa or not, and when, ultimately doesn't matter at all. It is just a dream which is being used now for the sole Purpose of healing the mind. And so with God being my only Goal now, a Goal whose attainment is inevitable, there is no justification for anything but total peace and relaxation!

Both my healing AND the affairs of the my "personal" world are completely in the Hands of the Holy Spirit, and my job is merely to trust, listen, and follow His instructions to me. Working for Him is the most Joyful job in the world! It is my sole function, my sole "career", and my sole means of "income" (which in truth is only Love, but Which can appear symbolically as money, food, shelter, etc..). Everything is offered to me freely if I will but trust, listen, and follow... and all things work together for Good. Amen!

Love,
Erik

When everything that never stays is going away...

There are thoughts that never happen... and there are things that are happening without having ever thought about it... Here is one of those...

When everything that never stays is going away...

Are we really in charge of something? What is the meaning of still watching my beliefs, holding the presence before everything else, choosing God, letting the thoughts go, etc...

What is the meaning, the purpose of all that? Who is the one who wants that? What is this practice? If everything is written, the moment of awakening isn't it too?
Can it come from a deep call, a deep desire?

The fact of wanting to live the awakening isn't it also kind of refusing to live what is here, now, the richness of the experience that is here, under my eyes? The awakening isn't it to be amazed of life, whatever her form, colour, odor is...? For, in reality, they all reflect the same thing... Life in her whole magnificence, which in the moment is manifesting herself in that way.

What is the meaning of all this seaking, all those changes, all those questions? What is the meaning of all that? I have the impression that there isn't anymore, that there is nothing anymore.

Why that way rather than that one? They are all the same anyway, all a manifestation of life, without any separation. Seemingly differents, and all the same...
What is the meaning of this word rather than this one?

My mind will explode, explode inside. It seems that the traffic is more obstructed than the inside ring of Brussels in the rush hours, and still, something is there, watching all this.

There is space, silence.

The head is heavy, very heavy. The ears are buzzing. A lot of desorientation those last days. A deep humility is taking place. A lot of arrogance, still present, recognized, exposed and shared.
And a very deep sense of what's the use? And all those beliefs...pff.. we don't care!
A big joke, here is what it is... a very huge joke! Unworthiness, staying in the rows, being better... what's the use? To do what? For whom? Who? Who is there? Who wants that?

A bath of silence...no words, no words anymore! Stop to the words!
My mind doesn't want it anymore, cannot bare it anymore! Too much mental. Too many analysis. Too many solutions for problems that are even not existing!
And if we were simply stopping playing to be asleep? I don't really know what it means, neither do I what means anything, for it seems that everything is vanishing, going away... even the traffic on the inside ring is going as those letters are printing on this sheet.

So, finally, what is staying?
There is still that something that is watching all that, which is aware of all that, of that theater piece that is playing. And this silence... this emptiness...full. That wholeness...so intense, so much that no need for anything!

Sleeping? What for? But I am tired. Who? One drags his feet, suddenly doesn't have any strength, yawns, has the eyes tingling... And still so much energy, so much life. Who am I? What's happening?
No separation anymore? No conflict anymore? Everything is perfect. Total acceptance. Who thinks that it should be different? A break, in the silence, the presence. Nothing has to be different. Everything is perfect. An other opportunity of reminding me who I am.

Eating? But I am already full! But I want to eat, I'm hungry! What for? Because I want, because it's what we do everyday, because I like it, I'm used to it, because I want more...Mmmh... Silence, presence...thanks... Who am I?

Talking? Everything is already said! Words are heavy... Yes, but I want to communicate, I want to share, to let know. What for? Because it's that way that I am existing... I am talking, saying, telling, I am listened to, admired, heard, inspiring and I exist! Who is existing?

Being special? What for? No meaning anymore!

Just leaving my existence to Existence...

I don't know anymore, don't know, don't want anymore, don't want... Nothing is lost, everything is, pure manifestation of Life.

Thank you!



Love
Armelle