When everything that never stays is going away...

There are thoughts that never happen... and there are things that are happening without having ever thought about it... Here is one of those...

When everything that never stays is going away...

Are we really in charge of something? What is the meaning of still watching my beliefs, holding the presence before everything else, choosing God, letting the thoughts go, etc...

What is the meaning, the purpose of all that? Who is the one who wants that? What is this practice? If everything is written, the moment of awakening isn't it too?
Can it come from a deep call, a deep desire?

The fact of wanting to live the awakening isn't it also kind of refusing to live what is here, now, the richness of the experience that is here, under my eyes? The awakening isn't it to be amazed of life, whatever her form, colour, odor is...? For, in reality, they all reflect the same thing... Life in her whole magnificence, which in the moment is manifesting herself in that way.

What is the meaning of all this seaking, all those changes, all those questions? What is the meaning of all that? I have the impression that there isn't anymore, that there is nothing anymore.

Why that way rather than that one? They are all the same anyway, all a manifestation of life, without any separation. Seemingly differents, and all the same...
What is the meaning of this word rather than this one?

My mind will explode, explode inside. It seems that the traffic is more obstructed than the inside ring of Brussels in the rush hours, and still, something is there, watching all this.

There is space, silence.

The head is heavy, very heavy. The ears are buzzing. A lot of desorientation those last days. A deep humility is taking place. A lot of arrogance, still present, recognized, exposed and shared.
And a very deep sense of what's the use? And all those beliefs...pff.. we don't care!
A big joke, here is what it is... a very huge joke! Unworthiness, staying in the rows, being better... what's the use? To do what? For whom? Who? Who is there? Who wants that?

A bath of silence...no words, no words anymore! Stop to the words!
My mind doesn't want it anymore, cannot bare it anymore! Too much mental. Too many analysis. Too many solutions for problems that are even not existing!
And if we were simply stopping playing to be asleep? I don't really know what it means, neither do I what means anything, for it seems that everything is vanishing, going away... even the traffic on the inside ring is going as those letters are printing on this sheet.

So, finally, what is staying?
There is still that something that is watching all that, which is aware of all that, of that theater piece that is playing. And this silence... this emptiness...full. That wholeness...so intense, so much that no need for anything!

Sleeping? What for? But I am tired. Who? One drags his feet, suddenly doesn't have any strength, yawns, has the eyes tingling... And still so much energy, so much life. Who am I? What's happening?
No separation anymore? No conflict anymore? Everything is perfect. Total acceptance. Who thinks that it should be different? A break, in the silence, the presence. Nothing has to be different. Everything is perfect. An other opportunity of reminding me who I am.

Eating? But I am already full! But I want to eat, I'm hungry! What for? Because I want, because it's what we do everyday, because I like it, I'm used to it, because I want more...Mmmh... Silence, presence...thanks... Who am I?

Talking? Everything is already said! Words are heavy... Yes, but I want to communicate, I want to share, to let know. What for? Because it's that way that I am existing... I am talking, saying, telling, I am listened to, admired, heard, inspiring and I exist! Who is existing?

Being special? What for? No meaning anymore!

Just leaving my existence to Existence...

I don't know anymore, don't know, don't want anymore, don't want... Nothing is lost, everything is, pure manifestation of Life.

Thank you!



Love
Armelle