Walking with Jesus

Today is a silent and Inner Dance day at the Peace House, for the retreat... Mmmh... Deep.
We started the day by Inner Dance, which, that time had no end of session, for it was the invitation for the day... Dancing whenever we feel, and staying in that slow motion in which the Inner Dance puts us into, that state of total Presence.
So for me, it went on for the whole day... fabulous, with so many gifts and the simple miracles of Life.

Dancing to start the day, for a while, the sensation or I don't know how to call it of being someone disappeared. Totally melting in the movement of Life, being danced by the Spirit, merging into the everything, all the barriers were gone. Love was pouring. So much, that when I stopped and sit quietly, there was that overflowing gratitude and almost overwhelming Love. A piano piece of music did the rest to invite the sobbing and tears of JOY, ALIVENESS...

After a while in that state, I've been guided to go to the bank to pay the rent. I didn't want to move, just staying in that state. The Spirit then told me « you'll stay there, you'll follow me ». Ok then, I trust You. So I left. And I think I never walk so slowly for so long...

There was so much presence in every step, it was incredible, the love was pouring. It was so overwhelming that I started to be cold, and immediately the thought came in my mind that the body cannot feel, that cold is a thought in the mind, not depending on wheather conditions. It stopped.

In every step I was making, I was feeling the presence, the ground under the foot, the whole sole, amazing. Which gave the impression that only that part was existing, showing me how things are existing when you put the focus on!

On the way to go, I felt Jesus's presence so strong, as if He was by my side, and I was walking (I wrote waking at first!!!) holding His hand. One moment, it was so deep that I had the impression to be at His time, when He was in a human form, walking with Him through Jerusalem.

We've been listening to a Ken Wapnick talk the other day, in which he was talking about holding Jesus to walk through the crowd of guilt, I heard, which was the cloud of guilt, Erik told me! Funny for it had a lot of meaning for me that it was the crowd. It was what I was supposed to hear, apparently.

So we were walking through Jerusalem and I was holding His had, and we were crossing a huge crowd of people so angry. They were all pointing at me, staring at me, shouting at me. And we were walking together. One moment He asked me « do you feel it? » and I said « Yes, I am innocent... » then I paused and was feeling it more and more.... then I said « wow Jesus I feel so free, I am free... » at that moment some people in the crowd started to scratch my arms to blood and I didn't feel anything, there was no hurt, no sensation, nothing! « Jesus I don't feel it... And I love them sooo much. » at that time I was burning, there was just love pouring, it was amazing. Then those words came « they don't know... they really think they are that... » and there was just love for everything, everyone, just love manifesting in that picture; and that so huge feeling of Freedom and Innocence, like never before. And Jesus was silent, smiling the whole time, holding my hand, strengthening my strength by sharing His, by demonstrating His, by being so innocent and free and knowing the Truth about all our Brother and us.

Then I was suddenly back here, still walking so slowly on the side of the road, as if the time had stopped for a moment. It was like a glimpse of what True Freedom and True Innocence is.

I took the same way then usual but I saw other things for the first time. I saw so beautiful colored houses, flowers. I felt so much love in people's garden that I never saw before.

I stayed silence at the bank, no need to say a word, just being.

On the way back I stopped in front of the church, and saw a sign « welcome »! I felt I was supposed to stop there, but didn't feel going inside, so I went on. 5 meters farther, I saw a cross with Jesus on it. So I went back and came there. I fell on my knies and stayed there, with Him. And there again I felt so free. And He told me that was the message of the crucifixion... that we are free, that there He was free. For we are not the body, and the Spirit is free, eternally Free. It was amazing how much love was present at that moment, like a shower running on me.

I realized later that I had absolutely nothing to do or to think of when I am fully present, or fully absent should I say(!!), when there is identification with the Spirit, for every move is done for me when it supposed to happen, every word given at the perfect time.
I was also looking in front of me at the end of the road, like looking at the future, and feeling that even if I look there, what is important is the step I am making right now, and that' where all my atttention should be.

I felt how much Jesus had been guided me to go inside those last weeks, to stop looking outside thinking I would find the peace, the answers, the love... oustide of me, in a special teacher, in meeting some special people, in going to special places, in watching some special videos, just going inside and being with Him, listening to His voice more and more and learning to discern it from the other voices from the world. And at that moment, I was feeling how much I was so much more open to receive His love, how much I was really feeling that I was worthy of it, that I deserve it. Those last weeks of emphasizing on being inside and listening to Him have been so helpful. It was really the answer to my deep deep call...

He told me « it's even more that you deserve it, it is who you are, your natural state. You just forgot, and thought you were that, so I am just reminding you gently. You are more than worthy of It, you are It. »

Then I saw two kind of whole in the ground which for me seemed to be two hearts. And I was feeling how much our perception is depending on who we choose to look at things, and our interpretation on who we want to be our guide. And that the place I am looking from make the way I perceive things, from who I think I am, or form who I am, HS's.

It is really crazy all the things that we can see, realize, learn when we go slow, when we take the time, when we are so present to what is, that the rest disappear in what is...

This is really what I am going deeper and deeper with the practice of the Inner Dance. This is where it's leading me... that state of Truth. I can't really express it, it's like there is no word. I feel it's something to live... to experience... that we can't understand or grasp on, just living it!

Love Eternally
Armelle