Learning Deep Trust

Erik: Yesterday I had an experience of surrender that was deeper than anything I'd experienced before. It was a lesson in moving to a deeper level of trust, where the question of whether or not the Guidance coming from Armelle was authentic or not became irrelevant. Instead, I realized that all that was truly important was trusting her and joining with her, by releasing any fears I had about what might happen if she was wrong.

Specifically, she was feeling strong Guidance for us to buy advance plane tickets to several countries that she saw us visiting over the next 6 months. She'd had some visions during meditation of us visiting these countries, and when she originally shared these visions with me, I felt excited as well. But last Friday when she was feeling that it was time for us to actually go online and start doing research to buy the tickets, my fear came up and I began to doubt her. I then began to justify my doubts by pointing out to her how inconsistent she has been emotionally. As a result, I felt separate from her and thus separate from God. She was upset with me and I felt guilty.

Last night though, after a long day of the two of us not talking to each other, she finally came to me with tears in her eyes and asked me to just trust her, even if her guidance was wrong. At first, I felt extremely conflicted, because her guidance seemed to be in opposition to what seemed practical. I told her how conflicted I was feeling, and then a short while later we had a group discussion about it in the kitchen along with Keith and our friend Christiane. During that conversation, I finally came to the realization that it ultimately didn't matter whether her Guidance was right or wrong. I realized that, as the Course teaches, it's really impossible to make a mistake on the level of behavior, but only on the level of perception. What mattered truly in that moment was letting go of my fears and simply trusting her, even if she was "wrong", in order to have the experience of oneness that is the true Goal.

I also began to realize that it didn't matter what my past experience with someone told me about whether they were trust-worthy or not. Trust is ALWAYS justified, because it leads to a state of connectedness and Joy. We are so frightened of making wrong decisions in this world, and yet the only way we can learn that there is nothing to fear is by being defenseless and trusting. For me, it was about giving up all my reasons for not trusting, and simply saying "Yes" to her, surrendering to any possibility that might occur. It was about being willing to "lose" all my money, being willing to possibly end up in the "wrong place", and ultimately about being willing to say "Yes" to what might be an "outrageous" request, simply to practice releasing my fear.

So I surrendered and said "Yes", even though I was afraid! In the moment I surrendered and decided to trust her guidance, my fear vanished! Instead, my state of mind shifted into an incredibly deep level of inner peace like none I'd ever known before. It was almost as if the "fearful Erik personality" wasn't there anymore except as a fading memory, just flickering in and out of awareness. I began to have the experience of knowing that there is only one Mind that we all share, and that we are pure Spirit and nothing else.

Since making that decision to simply trust her and stay connected, I now feel a peaceful sense of fearlessness about whatever outcome might arise. Incidentally, we haven't bought any plane tickets still, but I know now that what's important is only to remain in this state of deep trust. There is nothing to protect. I don't have to protect my money or my body anymore. Peace of mind is the only prize worth protecting.

I'm also seeing that there are no hierarchies in terms of which people are more spiritually advanced or trustworthy than other people. I don't need to think that way anymore. It was helpful for a time perhaps, in order to help me discern between who to trust and who not to trust, but now my Purpose is to see EVERYONE as equally trustworthy. This may seem very impractical from the worldly "common sense" point of view, but from the spiritual view, it is highly practical. I see now that I don't need to be afraid that this perspective will cause me to make irrational decisions, but just the opposite. When we see everyone as trustworthy, we have no fear and we extend only Love. And when we extend only Love, Love is all we receive.

I know that all I truly want in life is to experience myself as pure Spirit with nothing to fear. And to experience this, I must see EVERYONE as pure Spirit, for such they are in truth. I must continue extending perfect trust to all my brothers and sisters, who are my very Self. And in the state of perfect trust, there is perfect peace. It's the only Gift worth having...

Love always,
Erik