Indiana Gathering, May 23rd 2011

Last week we stayed in southern Indiana with our friend Connie for a few days at her beautiful cabin/retreat center "The Quiet Answer" and did a gathering on Monday night with her Course in Miracles group.  Armelle and I shared a few of our songs, some stories about our relationship, how we practice the Course in our lives, etc..

I was prompted to record the session and put it up here on the blog for those who were unable to attend, so if you feel inspired to listen to it (it was about two and a half hours total), you can either click on the link and directly listen to it online, or you can right click on the link and click on "save as" in order to download it to your computer as an mp3 file.  Enjoy!

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/18949318/Indiana_Gathering_May_23_11.mp3

Love,
Erik

Coming in the Joy, healing unworthiness

Two or three days before leaving California, I was listening to a lot of worship music, and I had that feeling of being like the singers but not being able to express it for lack of confidence, not a good rythm, maybe even not always singing right and some fear... As I was listening I felt myself entering more and more in an helpless state of mind about that, recognizing that I coudln't do anything, nor change it, there was no need to try to improve myself, for I tried, and it didn't work! It was more reinforcing that there was really something wrong with me and my singing.
So I was desperatly crying my heart out, for I love so much singing, and I feel my heart calling me to that so strongly. At some point, I felt a total surrender happening and the words coming in my mouth as a prayer to Jesus were "ok, I stop! I totally stop trying to sing, to do it my way, to be the one directing. I cannot do it by myself, so I let You guide... And no matter what, I'm gonna trust it's for my best and follow You", I felt there was a totally given up of trying to make it happen, or making sure I'll be singing again... it was just about putting everything in the right order, and giving the priority to Purpose, to Jesus, before the desire for singing. It felt like the letting go of another identity;

The day after, Erik asked me if I wanted to sing with him. Which we did. And it was awesome, so effortless... I didn't recognize the voice that was singing, there was a deep deep Joy, and I was crying after each song almost! At some point we sang "Trusting You", one of the last song I wrote, on which we've been collaborating so much and that has been soooo healing for me since its writing! As I was singing, I felt being carried and lifted up.... and I had that feeling of being surrounded by angels, escorting me to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. There was so much light, it was fabulous. I cried so much...

On the Monday, two days later, we left Petaluma to go at Patrick's house in Sacramento. He had offered to host us for our last night and driving us to the airport. We were planning on going first to the course group in Marin and then going at his place.
There I was watching my mind and seeing some competition thoughts still and also some jealousy thoughts. And I felt that tiredness about that, and a huge determination to go to the root of that. The more I was taking the FULL responsibility of everything I was perceving and feeling about that, the more joy there was; I realized that I never fully took the 100% responsibility for the jealousy, there was always a little bit left because of something or someone;-)) Here I was determined!
After that, I prayed to God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit to show me the way, to show me the thruth, and felt again that helplessness... like a surrender to thinking I could do it by myself, no I couldn't! I was humble enough to recognize that I just don't know what to do and how to do it..

At some point, the teacher was reading a section of chapter 18, setting of the goal, and I was still in a prayer state, and I had that insight...
I was brought back in my past and looking at all the times where there has been changes in my life and that I had expectations on how things were supposed to go and how I felt. Each time I felt it was because of me, each time I had given it the meaning that I was unworthy!!!!! And here I was shown that the ONLY reason that there had been all those changes was for me an opportunity to recognize, to realize that I was the unchanging behing all those changes. It was given in order to transcend the belief that I could be affected by the changes, that it meant anything about me, and that I could be something that changes, and accept that I am only what never changes, and that I can never be touch by all what changes... WOW, it was awesome, such a deep deep realization!
I put my arms in the air, feeling so FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A huge smile on my face. I was ready to jump off my chair and shout the love and joy that I was feeling, but I kept it a moment, the group was almost done;-)) I HAVE NEVER BEEN UNWORTHY was the underlying realization of all that!!!! I've always been wrong!!!!

Right after, Sharong invited Erik and I to sing one or two song. And I shared the insight, I couldn't keep it for myself, I wanted to extend that freedom!!
We started by "Trusting You", and I cannot explain what happens, but I felt the Spirit was pouring in me, it was so strong, as a huge rain pouring in a storm, I was all shaking, and still singing. He was singing through me, totally. The experience was washing me away! I felt like the personality has been thrown out, for there was no room for it to stay anywhere! wow!

And since then it keeps being deeper and deeper and everything that I thought before is just gone!
There is just the JOY, and Passion!!!!

I wanted to extend that Joy, Love and Gratitude for everything and everyone... this path, this undoing of all what I am not, is so worthet, so fabulous.... Don't keep anything! look at everything, don't take it seriously.... it's not the Truth!!

This road trip is so awesome, so deeply healing... I'm so grateful!

Lots of Love
Armelle

How God speak to us...

On the way to go to Cincinnati, we had just one hour between our two flights in Philadelphia, and for some reason, I was having a craving for a piece of pizza (??? really???)
We ordered one for both of us, and I sat at the only table available at that very moment, while Erik was waiting in the line. I said the "Only to be truly helpful" prayer once sit, and looked around. I felt soooo happy... no specific reason! At some point, I heard the phone conversation of the guy behind me that I even didn't notice before... "I Love You soooo much Son. I can't wait to see you. I'm so proud of you!" wow, it was amazing, for I didn't hear anything else!!!! I felt like God was talking to me...
I had tears in my eyes... so much Gratitude for EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right after that, I realized that I was in the same airport three years before, feeling a sense of lack of meaning and some sadness, traveling to Montreal and the north of Quebec. And now I was realizing that I was feeling so full of God, so content for no specific reason, and traveling with Erik. Once again, I was shown that all of what I dreamed about at some point had come to being my experience... and cried again! So much Gratitude to all what is given... "Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all things will be added unto you..."

With Love
Armelle

Journaling with Jesus May 10th

May 10^th

This came as I was meditating and felt writing. Seeing this unity, this oneness is what is expressing itself through every of us, because it uses what has been made to be undone and realizing then, when time is no longer there, that is has never been, that there was never any separate parts, no time, no space. But it’s not an intellectual knowing, it’s an experience that shows you in that Moment, that none of it is real. For there is nothing outside what is. It’s complete by Itself. And then bodies still seem to move and do and act, but You, You know, You are in Heaven, and they are just images in the mind that have no reality whatsoever. It’s just one dream, meaning nothing. You are the Meaning, the Ultimate and Only Meaning there is. Totally abstract, for no word could enter it.

Hi Jesus, Wow, this day is rich in different kind of insight and deeper questioning!

I’d like first have a look at power and magic. I give the power to magic to “heal” and because I believe in their power, they are used by the Spirit to reduce the fear when it’s too high to accept a miracle. So in a sense, it seems to me as if I am giving to magic the power of my mind, but of which I am too afraid. It’s like I don’t want to recognize how powerful my mind is, and therefore I give the power to some agents outside me, whatever they are, to do what my mind can do (that I am aware of it or not) and that only happens in the mind.

Yes, you project onto something or someone outside you that they have some kind of power that you don’t have, and that they can heal and you don’t, which makes you feel powerless, but the “good” side of it that keeps it going on is that you don’t have responsible for what happens “to you”. You keep being a victim of the world, of others, of sickness, of emtions, etc… So you cannot change anything! But actually magic of all kinds are just the reflection of the decision in your mind to heal. In themselves they have no power. That’s why you cannot really explain the phenomenon of healing as long as you believe it’s coming from outside. It has to be recognized that the agent is only the reflection of the mind, and that the healing is happening in the mind. Healing is not of the body. It can be reflected in the body as en effect of a healed mind, but it’s not always the case, and if it’s not, it doesn’t mean anything.

So, as long as I am not ready to fully accept the power of my mind, or that I don’t want to recognize it, it keeps being projected outside me, whether on magic as healing devices or also on authority figures that I then believe have power over me?

Yes, as long as you don’t want to face something, to look at the guilt that is in the mind, you’ll keep projecting it outside. And you’re afraid of this power, because you do believe you’ve misused to separate from God, and so you could do it again. So you are trying to hide the fact that you believe you are responsible for the separation, that you’ve done something wrong. And as long as you will push that in and not look at it, it will keep coming in many different forms, so that you see it and release it. You’ve never done anything wrong because separation never happened. So you never misused your power, which is God’s. That’s why it’s so powerful, because He created you as Him. You even have the power to give power to what has none and believing it, the power to make up a world which doesn’t exist and believe it’s real and getting caught in it. But if you have that power, you also have the power to undo it and realizing that nothing has happened. All that it takes is your willingness to want nothing else but Truth, Reality.

Yeah… but even if I wanted very strongly separate I couldn’t because it has never been God’s Will and therefore not mine either. Because nothing can happen that is not God’s Will. So I can believe it has happened because there is a voice in my head that tells me so, and because I wanted it I believe I did it, and I am responsible. That’s why I hide, because I feel guilty of that thought of wanting something else than God, more or different. So I hide the guilt, because I’m afraid others will see it. And the best way to hide it is to project it on others, so that they become the guilty ones, and I am innocent. But then I lost my power. As I always have that thought deep down that I did something wrong, that all that has happened because of me, I keep feeling attacked and I keep react to make sure that nobody will see what I’m hiding. So I do everything to hide the guilt. By doing so, I make it very real, as well as the error. That’s why the undoing of the error, goes through the undoing of the guilt, and the exposing of those thoughts of guilt, so that I can recognize more and more that they are not true, that it’s just nothing and that I don’t have to fear anything and certainly any punishement because I never did anything wrong. That’s what leads me to see that separation never happened at the first place and therefore that all what I believed has happened after this first moment where the thought of guilt or fear entered the mind, has never happened either. I never left the Mind of God, I am not a body, and they are no six billions of other bodies, nor any world out there. That time and space never came into existence, and that Eternity is still Everything there is, as Is God.

Exactly! We are in God, right Now. Nothing else exists. Nothing else happens.

So, there is no one who is not ready to accept how powerful it is now?

No, there isn’t! Readiness still implies the idea of time, and that something that is not true now will happen in the future, will then be true. But Truth IS True Now. There is only Now!

Let’s keep going in this direction because one of the other things that came to me was time. Seeing that my belief in time was blocking my total acceptance of the Atonement Now. But if there is no future because there is only now, and nothing that is not true now because the Truth is eternal, then it means that even if there is a belief in time, it can’t be a block?

No, it can’t. What You are, You are it, Now. There is no doubt about that. I have no doubt about that, God has no doubt about that. But you do! You don’t fully believe that. You still believe you are in this body, living a life in time and space. So your experience is not one of eternity. It’s an experience of time, with a past, present and future. Where the past seems to be real and causing the future, and the present is only the junction between both to assure the continuity of time. That’s how the ego has made it. But you are not the ego, neither the body. But the ego tells you that you are and you keep listening to it and believing it. And what you believe you see. So as long as you will listen to the ego instead of the Holy Spirit or Me, you’ll see this world with bodies, and you’ll believe what it tells you. When you listen to the Holy Spirit in a consistent way, you start believing what it tells you, even if you don’t see it, because you see its effects. And therefore you believe more and more and you see more and more the reflection of that shift in mind. And it seems to take time, only because you believe you are in time. You cannot understand that, but once you’ll come to the full recognition and acceptance of the Correction of the errors, you’ll that it didn’t take time, for there is no time. Now it seems to be a process only because you are still listening to the ego that tells you that time exists, that you have a past and a future - that you are ruining by listening all those craziness - otherwise how could you be there? But in Truth you are not there. You just sleep and dream you are.

So I cannot believe it is instantaneous as long as I believe in time, because it is like a protection to keep believing I am here, because I’m still valuing other things that are related to time, this world, the body, and I don’t want only the Truth yet. So as I am still afraid of losing something that I believe is real, at some level at least, I use time as an excuse. So I believe it can block me from the acceptance of the Atonement, but again it’s just in my mind. Again I give power to something that has none, as it doesn’t exist, therefore it seems to have some, and I seem to be “stuck” in time.

But who is the one that seems to be stuck in time? Can the Son of God be stuck in time? He can dream He is, but He can never be. He cannot be anywhere else than in His Father’s Mind. For it has never been His Will.

Yes, I am not the one who believes is here, in this world, in time. Who I am cannot be in this world, so cannot be trapped in it either, and even more because this world is an illusion and doesn’t exist at all.

Wow, it’s fabulous! This day is and has been amazingly deep, and go deeper and deeper in all those thoughts that came to me today is awesome! It keeps me going down the rabbit whole! I love it!

I was still reflecting on having told to Erik “you never hurt me, it was only thoughts, never You!” and some memories of the past came up where I could still feel some guilt around what happened and it was great to have the opportunity to look at it and undo all what had been believed about that, for I could see that the memory was kept alive by the guilt that was still felt and forgotten. And this is such a very powerful statement, because it undoes all thoughts of victimization and even that it is possible to be a victim. Again it comes down to the power of the mind. It’s a way of taking back the power that I’ve given away by thinking I could be hurt by something other than my thought, or even that I could hurt, which again comes back to hurt myself. For both are the insurance of the continuity of the guilt. In both cases there is guilt whether it’s in me or I project it outside on the other. And therefore there must be separation.

Yes, you recognize that you are the one at the core of this game, and if you withdraw your investment in guilt, you can also see that nothing happened, that it was just in your mind, where the power is, where Truth is, and that there was never anything outside it. Guilt is what keeps the whole story of separation going on! You hold the others in prison with keeping the guilt, whether projected or in yourself. For as long as you are guilty, you cannot see another innocent. If you are a victim, they have to be seen as a victor or as a savior. By playing a role, you keep them in a role, and so neither of you is free! It’s like you gave them the power to define you, to tell you who you are. There need to be another for you to exist, and therefore you want them to keep being who you think they are so that you can still being who you think you are. Otherwise you’ll feel lost, not knowing who you are anymore if you cannot define yourself the way you know you, and you’ll have to seek again. And here it’s the opportunity to go inward and find, by following the Holy Spirit, instead of keeping seeking outside where you will never find yourself.

Yes, everywhere where there is guilt, then what happened is real, so the past is real, people are real, the world is real therefore I am. For as soon as there is time, I am there too. There are bodies and the world is real. But as soon as the guilt is gone, then there is nothing to hold onto the past as real, so there is no fear of the future anymore, so no concern, and time drops for the eternal Presence of Now…

Yes! And that’s all there is, Now!

Great! One more thing that I’d like to talk about for it is still in my mind. I know everything you’ve said is so great and goes deep. But I feel that has been a recurrent fear that came several times. It’s the fear of falling. I face that when I see someone near an edge (often in movies), where there is high, or at the top of a building or something like that. I feel the fear that they might slip or be pushed and then the body will fall in the air (emptiness) and then crash on the ground and die. So I guess even deeper, it is the fear of death. Which I think in my mind is also associated with the fear of healing because there is a belief that if I wake up, then the body will be gone. That’s I think the biggest fear, the loss of the body! So for sure, in that statement, I make the body real, and that’s surely why I fear losing it. For how can I lose something that never was, and is not?

It’s really the fear of the unknown. “I want to know what’s gonna happen”! Not knowing is intolerable for the ego. Being based on a thought system based on fear, it always needs to be reassured for everything. Being in time, it’s based on the past being real and therefore fearing the future. As soon as you enter time, which is the birth, eternity is not there, and therefore there must be an end to everything if there is a beginning, which is death. So because it starts, it also ends. Time is the home of the body too, which comes into existence with birth and leaves it with death. Everything that is not in eternity comes and goes, so if it comes, it must leave at some point. Also having an end is reassuring. You don’t know when it happens, but you know that it will happen and that it’s how the body will end. Also you have to have goals and projects for the future, for you to be busy and you have to know!

So, not knowing is a terrible affirmation for the ego, it’s its disappearance. For it’s by knowing anything that it defines itself. So you always need to know everything! And it’s because it’s incapable of knowing that it wants to know so much. It knows that there is something that it doesn’t know and that is intolerable for it. So it makes education service and schools, etc… and it values a lot the power of knowing. For not knowing is its dread.

Yes, it’s so funny for I’m experiencing that right now, seeing how there is a part of me that wants to make sense of all that, and reasoning, and trying to understand all what I’m typing and I feel my mind is becoming confused, and I don’t know where it’s going. It’s like it’s erasing as it’s typing. So it’s a wonderful way for me to enter directly into the experience of it and keep surrendering to it. It’s so great!

Yes, it’s wonderful. The more you’ll just drop in the experience, the more it will flow. You don’t have to know anything, know the words, to understand the logic, nothing. Just trust and let it go, let everything go the way it goes, and be surprised. That’s the fear, not knowing… but how many times did you experience just taking one step and living moment by moment, not even keeping your mind on this moment, but just being so attentive to what you were doing that you totally forgot everything, that you forgot time, eating, sleeping, or other things that were not aligned with the purpose you were following at that moment. And that felt very natural. You didn’t have to make any effort to be in that state of mind; it was very easy, flowing and natural, because it is your Nature. You are not in time. Your Nature is not in time. And when you enter fully this Moment, the Now, that’s what happens, everything that is not true, just drops. There is no thought about it. As if it never existed. And you are not afraid in those moments, because it seems so natural. You’re afraid only when you think about it, when you think about having to wake up and what would be the consequences of it. But when you just are… already, living fully this Moment, not resisting to anything, just Being, entering Eternity, there is no fear, because there is nothing to drop, to give up, to let go of. There was never anything, and there is no thought about anything else; there is just This. And This, is everything, Now and forever, without a doubt, for doubt doesn’t exist in this Moment. There is no lack in this Moment, no questioning. There is only Certainty. And everything reflects that. Isn’t it?

Mmmh… yes… Yes, it happens a lot, in many many different situations, and absolutely, nothing is missing. It’s actually when there is a thought that something is missing that suddenly there is a missing feeling. It’s like the thought makes the experience related to the thought!

Yes, exactly. The thought that you are a body makes the experience of being a body, without it there is no experience of the body. When you don’t think of it, how can you say it’s there? If you don’t think about death, how can you say that it exists? If you don’t think about the fear of losing something, do you feel the fear? And that is not happening in the future, it’s happening in the moment you have the thought, even if the thought itself is talking about a fear in the future, the thought is happening now. And to avoid living that fear now, it will talk about the future and what if… and all the potentials regarding that thought. It will talk to go in the future consequences instead of staying here with the fear that arose and living it, being in it and seeing it for what it is, nothing. It will make a whole story of it, to avoid now.

And that’s exactly what happens with the fear of the loss of the body. For to lose it, it would need first that you would be the body or have a body. Which cannot be true for Who You are is not in time. Who You are is eternal and cannot die. Who You are is unlimited and cannot be contained in anything that would limit it.

Wow, awesome! Everything! Thank You sooo much!!!!!

Journaling with Jesus May 9th

May 9^th

Jesus, today I could see how the pride is covering over the fear of being seen as unworthy. It manifested in different ways, the first being posting my journaling of yesterday on which there were full of judgements and doubts about whom was really answering me, that it couldn’t be you. It keeps being a trick to make me stop journaling and exposing the false self-concept, using the reinforcement of pride and the fear of being judged as untrustworthy because of those sharings.

The second one being my clothes, and the way they are still used to mask the unworthiness by valuing the body. I was seeing that clearly with this leather jacket, as well as this silk dress and a stylish skirt. I saw how they were part of the pride of the personality wanting to cover over the unworthiness, also felt by the personality! It so crazy to see how it’s the personality playing all those games, to “promote” itself, or pushing itself to hide, and one or the other doesn’t matter it’s still the illusion! The clothes were seen as being the skin of my being, representing that pride that “keeps me safe”. I was seeing that when I was travelling alone before I was so happy to not dressing in a special way, same last year where I’ve been travelling with one jeans and two comfortable pants, a short and a simple skirt, and it was so perfect! And now that I am in town again, the struggle with the clothes came again as if as there are other people around I need my “protection”. It was so great to see that so clearly for deep down all I want is absolutely not caring about that, and just going with what is there!

I saw that both those situations were related to time, that I was actually fearing something that might happen in the future, which is the trick to not be in the Present moment, which is the fear of the ego, because it’s its undoing, it disappears in it, instantaneously!

Also I had to decide what to do with this retirement fund in Belgium for which there is no way for me to get the money before 65, due to a new law. It’s so crazy to me! But I was seeing that again it was related to time. And here I had an option to change something to have a death cover, which I don’t have now. And as I was meditating on that, I felt that I couldn’t choose fear and death and again wanting to protect myself. That it was for me to choose life, and that Moment, not in 32 years! So I felt letting it go…

It’s been several weeks that I’m feeling seeing this time defense more clearly in so many different ways, always trying to hide the real fear, this Moment.

Oh, yes, the Present Moment is the dread of the ego, it cannot resist to it. It is seen instantaneously and vanished in Light of Truth. It will do everything it can to make a seeming problem in the form and keep the mind preoccupied with it, but there is only one problem, the belief in separation, and that you can be what you are not, and one solution, which is never in the form, Love, recognizing What You are. What you express is showing different ways used by the ego, it’s very helpful to see that, for it keeps multiplying those all over again to hide the real problem. But the more mindful you are about that, the faster you’ll come to see that there has even never been any problem, that you have always been in God, where you are Now, and none of it has happened! You are none of those add-ons of the ego. That’s what it does, it adds all the time its judgement on everything! And because you believe you are this body, you think you are the one judging or judged, but you can’t. Who you are is incapable of judgement!

(later) I spent a very quiet and deep day, mostly meditating. And this clarity came to me.

Everything is always neutral; it never has any meaning by itself. It only has the meaning I give to it. Everything is my interpretation. I make it what I want it to be. But it’s always naked. The moment I give meaning to something I exist, and I know who I am. And that’s really what I’m looking for… I give meaning, not because it has some, but because I want to know who I am, I want to define myself. Therefore meaning keeps being given, for the ego cannot bear not knowing, it wants to know. It thinks it knows. And it thinks that no meaning is death, but what if it was Freedom? What if knowing, giving meaning was imprisonment and that not knowing what is anything was freedom? Always new, always free to be what is.

Nothing is personal, so no clothes are personal, they are just clothes! They don’t mean anything about who I am, nor about anything else. They are just clothes. They are not even related to me. They are just there, used. The meaning given it is different for everyone, for not two persons see the same world. It’s always an interpretation.

Nothing is evil, ever. Nothing is bad or wrong, nor good or right. It’s neutral, empty of any meaning, a white sheet. It’s like when I write. There is anxiety facing the white sheet only if I think I must write, I must do something with it, I must fill it. But what if it can just be a white sheet, or empty, left as it is? Then it’s just that! Nothing needs to be done. Nothing is expected from me… Isn’t there a release in that? Isn’t it freeing? If something is done, it’s done. It’s what’s happening. But if not, then it’s also what’s happening. And both don’t mean anything!

So I never need to be any way, to play any role. Roles are there to hide, to mask the anxiety of not knowing who I am, the need to know. So we create boxes to put everything in, roles to play and links between everything, past memory to hold onto that will define us and explain what’s happening now and why, so that this anxiety is calmed down. But it’s just temporary. It will never cease and never be satisfied. It always asks for more. So we keep seeking where we will never find the answer. But the one who wants to know is the problem! And I am not this. Life is just happening, effortlessly, without my approval and without my “control”. And everything’s ok. All strains can be released for if something goes, it’s not who I am. No need to protect anything or make anything sacred, for who I am is beyond all of it, beyond time and space, beyond the world, and That is What I truly want!

My journaling with Jesus, May 8th

May 8^th

I love You so much, and keep bathing in Your Love dear Jesus.

Sometimes I can see thoughts like I am like a little girl looking up at you and by doing so I keep the separation going on because there are still two, you and me; but I feel that it’s so helpful still. I can see the ego trying to take over and firing into arrogance claiming it knows everything!

Yes, it’s very helpful to remain in that humility of being the second as long as the total restoration of your Oneness in God is not complete. The ego will try everything to tempt you, everything that has worked in the past, everything that it thinks could take your attention. It’s very vicious, and doesn’t want you to know the Truth.

I know. This morning, it’s been trying to send me messages of rejection, which has been so deep in the past story of this character. And this time, as I was looking at the story told in my mind, very fast, as anger and hatred were being built with the story of rejection, it was seen so clearly that there was no need to try to defend against those, or protect myself against them. They were nothing. They had nothing to do with Erik’s behavior, which was the story told by the ego, and it was seen that they couldn’t touch me, nor even reach me. They were only feelings of the personality, but had nothing to do with me, so they could be there, it didn’t change anything, they couldn’t hurt! In that seeing, immediately, they just vanish! And there was just Peace.

When no value is given to the story or the character, when there is no need, or no desire to defend any identity, then you live fully the meaning of “in my defenselessness lies my safety” for you can know that by not needing to protect yourself from anything, you know your Invulnerability as God created You, as Spirit. The need to defend is making the attack real, and it cannot be! By realizing that no attack can hurt you, the attack is seen through, and disappears.

Today, it’s mother’s day. And it was a wonderful opportunity for me to look where my mind is at with all those roles. I was looking at the concept of celebrating the mother, and it felt to me so restrictive, so limitative to define one person in one role and telling it’s who this person is. I’ve already been talking with my parents that my love for them is far beyond the fact that I am their daughter or they are my parents, that we are so much more. And as I was looking at the purpose for me to call my mother for this day, I could see that there was no joy or sense of love in it, it was just coming from guilt. So I didn’t feel doing it. Then I was shown a memory from the past when I was 12 or 13, when it was mother’s day and that my sister and I had completely forgotten it, and my mother was so pissed off at us. She told us something like “after all I’ve been doing for that’s how you thank me!” and that was still in me, telling me better never forgetting her again. But I couldn’t act from there anymore. There was no juice in me to nourish this guilt and thought that I could hurt by my behaviour, no desire to entertain a false concept which felt to me like joining into false empty, when everything is me is guiding me to join in the Truth. It was seen that there was a sense of owing her something, as it always plays out in any special relationship! And in this seeing, there was such a deep release of thinking I could owe anything to anyone, that I had to conform, that I had to be a certain way to be loved, that I had to get approval to earn the love that I am lacking, that what I am is not enough and that I have to do more, do something to make sure I will not be abandoned! It felt that this day was this Celebration for me…. The release of the belief I could owe anything to anyone!!!! The release of the need to play any role!!!! What a Freedom…. This is how what seems to be mother’s day has been “re-born” into released from role, Freedom of Being!

It’s so wonderful! Specialness is the juice of the ego. As soon as there is a world out there, there is a special relationship with everything. And the only Purpose of this world is to release that, to see that it’s not there, to give it to the Holy Spirit so that He can guide you through the undoing of those special relationships in everything! Giving the Purpose of Healing to the world, is changing the specialness to holiness, and know your Reality as Spirit as the undoing goes. There is no other purpose for this world. As it is for time, whose only purpose is to come to the end of it, and realized there is no time!

It is not about playing a role, neither about rejecting any role, it’s about giving them over to the Spirit so that He can teach you how to use those in a purposeful way to undo the need for them and listening to His Guidance, instead of counting on your own to do what’s best for everyone, and not acting in a way that serves your purpose and reinforce the specialness and littleness.

Yes, I was feeling, I was totally open to call my mother, but I didn’t feel the guidance to. I felt being so joined with her in Truth and that there was such a release in that seeing that it was all there was really to “do”. And I feel that this release is extending to every role I had played. It’s the same release of the specialness happening yesterday with Erik… it feels it just keeps happening…

I feel such a deep Strength and such a deep Call to clear away every concept there could ever be and just being that clear channel for the Spirit, You, to pour through and extend Yourself to everyone. It feels that the desire for anything personal is being washed away, there is only a desire for Service…

…(love)

I feel I’d like you to talk more about rejection. It’s been such a huge part of the story for me… and it’s been such a huge trick to not follow my heart. So it feels it could be so helpful.

Yes, for sure. Rejection is the separation. It’s rejecting Who you are, for being who you are not. But you don’t want to see that, so you forget it, then it’s reversed and projected onto God whom you believe has rejected you, and then on the world, when you feel rejected from the “society”, or on others. And because you believe yourself to be rejected you keep trying to belong. Because you don’t know Whom You really Belong to, you look for belonging all around you in many different ways, and the special relationships are such a huge trap for that. So I could say that rejection is a misidentification. Once you know Your Identity in God, you don’t need to be included in anything, nor belong to anything in the world, for you know Whom You truly belong to. You know Your True Identity in God, and therefore your Oneness and that rejection is impossible! But as soon as you identify with the ego, the story, the body, the character you think yourself to be, you feel rejected, and you project it, because you have rejected yourself. You have rejected your Self, the Son of God. So you have to come to see that and take full responsibility for the experience you’re having, for projecting it on others keeps the loop going on! And as you feel rejected, you keep rejecting. But as long as you will reject any part of yourself, you will not know your Reality, for it will block the awareness of Truth, by making any part meaningful to you. You cannot reject something you know it’s not true. So when you reject something, you give it reality and a power that it doesn’t have, but in which you believe. And so that is what is before God. You choose fear, instead of Love.

Mmmh… yeah, thank you for that clarity!

This morning, also, as I was meditating, I came to see that I can never be part of anyone else’s dream. That everyone is a character in my dream, that they are there because I dream this dream, but if the dream ends, they end with it. So they answer to what is in my mind. They have no more control over the dream than I have. Is it accurate?

Yes, it is. That’s the meaning of “there is no power, but God’s”. No one in the dream has any power over anyone else. The only choice I have is how I want to perceive things, which lens I am choosing to look through. So the characters are the characters. They play the part that has been given them to play, exactly as this body called Armelle is. They don’t really answer to what is in your mind, because it would mean that everything is happening now when it’s already over long ago. They play their part, as you play yours, and you have the choice of how you want to look at things. There is no link between anything. It’s only the ego making links. It’s not because I think that then they do that, so if I had thought that they would have behaved differently! What happens happens! And your interpretation of will depend on to what are you identified. Do you know yourself as Spirit or do you think you are this body in this world. That’s all!

The Love I feel in my Heart, is beyond every possible role! That cannot be limited to anything nor anyone… It’s so Beautiful… Tears of Gratitude… I release You All… Shine and raise brightly as the Light that You Are reveals itself to You and reveals You as the Truth that has never ceased to be. Everything’s ok, You are Safe. God is Here, and has never not been… We are at Home… Thank You so much…

Later) It’s so incredible how the ego becomes subtly vicious once deep steps are taken. This last hour, I’ve been watching all those attack thoughts that things should be different than what they are, that there must be something wrong between Erik and I because we almost didn’t talk to each other today, nor join a lot. And I can feel it become stronger and stronger, and starting to believe in it. But it cannot be true… can you help me look at that, for right now, I don’t see clearly.

Yes for sure. Your decision to join is already showing that is your desire has shifted too. There was one point where you wanted those thoughts, otherwise they would have had no grip on you, but you started to believe it, so there was a moment where you chose to be guilty and believing there was something wrong, and therefore thinking you were what you are not, instead of staying in the Truth. The guilt was more attractive than the innocence! Your decision to join and share this is coming from a shift in desire, coming from wanting  peace instead of conflict and therefore changing teacher to look at things, and seeing that there is nothing wrong. What’s happening is just what’s happening. Two hours ago there was no meaning given to the exact same situation, and since an hour those thoughts came and you started to believe them. So there was a point where you change the teacher with which to look at the world, and that’s the only problem. For sure it had nothing to do with Erik or the silence between you and Erik or anything that has happened, but just from a decision in your mind of listening to the ego’s voice and accepting its story and therefore pushing the peace out of awareness for an illusion of conflict and problem! Once it is seen, it can be released and you can choose for Me!

Yes, thanks!

I feel that this day has been so deeply undoing again, and there was a lot of crying of gratitude and release, and it’s so beautiful. I feel so much joy with that, and yes it’s also calling for attentiveness for it’s given that the ego will throw its best tricks to keep some grip on me. And communication between Erik and I is definitely one that has been used a lot, as I have a belief that silence in a couple relationship is proof of something wrong! So it’s another opportunity to question deeper the couple belief coming back and what is communication.

Yes, it’s always an opportunity to know yourself, and what is the identity you choose to believe in. Are you a Son of God or do you want to be part of a couple? Apparently, here, it was your choice! You believed the ego telling you that you were a part of a couple, having a communication problem. Ok let’s look at that. Start by the communication problem. Can it be true?

No, it can’t. For communication is not between bodies. So starting by seeing that there is a communication problem between Erik and I is already showing the wrong mindedness, and that I’m seeing two bodies, having a problem, therefore I’m trying to find a solution in the form, where the problem is not.

Yes, so what else can you do?

Seeing that the problem cannot be in the form, it’s always in my mind, and the only problem there is, is a perceptual problem, showing me something that is not there. I see two bodies, I see separation, I see a world, therefore I am upset, because I am deceived, I denied God and therefore my Self is unknown to me, and that’s why I’m upset. I’m upset because I believed the ego and thought God was not there anymore.

Yes, great! You’re back to your true Identity as Spirit. And is there still any problem?

No, there isn’t. There is peace!

Now, look also at the other belief to go deeper… Can you be part of a couple? What is a couple? Look and cut the root of it!

A couple is some kind of entity made of two separate bodies who join together to find the oneness that they believe they have lost because they forgot who they are, and therefore they forgot God. So it’s an ego made belief to replace God and push Him out of awareness by valuing something else.

Yeah, that’s great! That seems pretty accurate regarding how the ego has made it! So can you be part of it?

To be part of it, I must assume I am a body, a person. I also must assume that there are other bodies out there, and one in particular with which I join because he is more special than others and that I believe he will complete the lack I feel in myself. For if I assume I am a body, I am already feeling a lack, for I am without a Source, therefore I’m looking for meaning and completion, and mostly I’m looking outside. That’s what those special relationships are for. I want to find myself. But I’m listening to the ego, instead of the Holy Spirit. I look for completion where I could never find it, in a special relationship (of any kind). Where to find real completion, I just have to look inside and see the Truth, that I am still in God, just dreaming I am not, therefore I am misidentified, but I can choose otherwise now that it’s seen. So no, I cannot be part of a couple. Who I am cannot be part of anything because It is Wholeness itself, and that there is no part to what is Whole. If there are no separate parts, there can be nothing but Wholeness, and so what was made out of the belief that I could separate from my Creator must not be True. How could Truth enter illusions? How could a Son of God be part of anything, like a couple? It’s impossible. And I am not a body. So I cannot be and have never been part of a couple. It was part of the dream.

I don’t see what else add to that!

Thank you so much! It’s so helpful to Be in Your Presence and seeing all that coming through. It’s reinforcing that we are not separate, that Truth is in each of us, when we want it!

(Smile)

(later) I keep seeing that in a very very subtle way there is still a desire to prove my worth to others. I can see that especially with Erik, but it’s not only with him. I guess it’s the metaphor of wanting to prove to God that I am worthy of His Love, and I think that I’ll prove that by my doing, by being a good Servant of Him, and therefore there is a use of being in Service to promote my worth, for pride. I guess all that is still coming from a sense of unworthiness, that really I don’t feel anymore, but which apparently still manifests itself, so must still be underneath the need to prove my worth by sharing how great I am to others! It’s not like that all the time, but today there is a deeper awareness of how it is playing in a very subtle way in some cases. And I really feel that my joining with you Jesus is actually undoing that because I feel such a deep pull to be so authentic in my journaling with you and not hide anything so that it can be seen for what it is and released. I feel that even if I wanted to hide, I couldn’t, for my Love for You, the Love burning in my Heart is the pull to be so transparent and looking at every bit of crap that shows its nose.

I’m still perceiving that Erik feels superior to me and that he wants absolutely to hold onto that identity, and that he is not really willing to trust me. He looks at me as being untrustworthy and spiritually immature, so that he can feel superior. And he just wants to trust David, and not fully opening to me. I’ve been looking at that so much already, and I’m tired of that! I’m tired of having that feeling of being in competition with him. I feel I just would like to join in the Joy, and not having to be a certain way. So I guess it’s an opportunity again to go deeper and looking at what’s blocking it, because there must be something else that I choose before that, otherwise that’s what I would experience!

Yes, if really you wanted only the Joy, that’s what you would have. And if you don’t, there must be something else that you still value more than Joy and joining in the simplicity of Being. You talk about competition, let’s look at that. I think it’s such an important part of the ego identification.

I’ve been seeing at some point how I’ve been in competition with everyone. There was such a deep identity of being a beautiful, intelligent girl, having such an ease to succeed in whatever she wanted. But all that was masking a deep unworthiness, having always to be at the top, to be perfect and living for other’s approval. So the competition was at the first place of this life, in everything. There was a belief that there wasn’t enough love or enough room for everyone to shine or to be loved, therefore it was important to be the best, to secure my place or the love I would receive. So a deep sense of lack. And all that is coming from the belief I am separate from God and therefore I am in competition with Him, because I want to have my own kingdom and being the ruler of this universe. I could see that clearly, how I wanted the whole world turning around me.

The belief in lack is at the core of the ego. Believing God had rejected you, you cannot be whole anymore, so this whole world and so called life is about finding wholeness again, but how can you, coming from such a deep sense of lack? This world is the manifestation of the lack of love, having been made to answer this lack by many distractions so that you would never go in the only place you could ever find Completion, inside, in your mind, where God has put the Holy Spirit so that it would be impossible for you to forget Him, because it wasn’t His Will. He never wanted you to be lost, and therefore you cannot be. But you do believe you are, so you seek wholeness in everything and everyone, and you feel so much lacking that you think you have to fight for everything, and as soon as you find something, by the very fact of finding, you fear losing, for it’s not eternal. So you are in a permanent fight to keep what you think you’ve gained that has finally solve the problem of lack. But what you have, you can lose. That’s the rule of this world. That’s why you cannot give, because then if you give, you lose what you had. And then you have to start to seek again, and fight again, and it’s never ending. So it’s a permanent race to win a fake sense of wholeness where you will never find it. It’s a permanent competition to be the first so that you’re assured of getting something. Because it’s really what is important in this world, getting, not giving!

So this whole path where you start to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit is about loosening from those beliefs, learning to give and learning that by so doing, that’s how you have and that you cannot lose, for it’s by giving that you strengthen everything in you. For giving and receiving are the same, and that what you give, you give it but to yourself, for these are the laws of Heaven, where there is perfect Oneness and where extension is permanent, being eternal and being the law by which God has created you as He is, extending Himself to You, as Perfect and Whole as He is. For how could He have created something unlike Him, the law being that you extend what you are. So yes, it’s about undoing all sense of personal, pride, competition and everything you’ve believed in and made your life on, which as you’ve experienced never made you happy. To finally come to the FULL recognition that the only way for you to be happy is to recognize that You are One with God, and that all what you thought yourself to be is but a dream that never was. So that you felt worthy or unworthy in the dream doesn’t matter! That you felt inferior or superior doesn’t matter. It’s false! One or the other face of the same coin of illusion is still an illusion. That’s the judgement of the Holy Spirit. He doesn’t judge on the form, on good or bad, right or wrong, because it’s all false. therefore he overlooks everything and sees it for what it is, AN ILLUSION!

What does it cost you to see like Him? All what you’ve been believing about yourself, the world, the people in your life, the story, your individuality, time and the pride of being the author of yourself who needs no one! And you don’t want to let go of that, you really think that it has some value, that it can give you something. Think about it…

I guess, yes, it still does but in a more and more subtle way, for the awareness of Truth in growing in my experience, as the Love is stronger and stronger. But I can see some hidden little ways where it still plays out, like here today. I can see that the desire for Truth is not total yet, as I see that I still want to choose the way to share it, or express it, I still want to do something, for doing nothing and being quiet still scares me in some way. So yes, I can see that I’d like to share the love through singing for it’s such a strong way to be in the Spirit, and would like to direct the way of having holy encounter, through offering gatherings or joining deeper with people that are on the same path as us. I still want that more than the Peace of God.

I can feel that there is still pride that is being undone as more and more I fall on my knees, and bow before God, in humbleness and gratitude for how He Loves us, for that Love that reveals itself more and more I am willing to drop into Now. And the more it happens, the deeper it is and the more the subtleties are coming up, are seen and released.

It’s funny for as I’m writing all that, I’m having this experience of none of it being really true, like being just a cover, but certainly not my Reality.

By looking at all that you are not, you uncover all that has been hiding What You are Now. You’ve never changed, but you’ve believed it, and that’s all that is being flushed up. So the more you are willing to look and see it for what it is, the faster it goes. It’s not You! It has never been, even if you believed it. For Who You are cannot change! Thank You…

Thank You!!!!

After writing all that, I went to bed, and shared with Erik that when he was sharing his struggle about what to do about mother’s day and the fear that I could judge him, I felt the guidance to tell him “You never hurt me. I hurt myself with my thoughts, but you, you never hurt me”, but I didn’t do it because there was a part of me who didn’t want to admit that, who didn’t want to take 100% responsibility of EVERYTHING that has “happened” in the past, for it meant that if I was telling him that, I was recognizing that for all my life. It meant that never anyone, nor anything had ever hurt me, but my thoughts. I could see the judgement of saying that as stupid, but really I was, or rather the ego was trying to protect itself by keep hurt and the past real! I wasn’t totally willing to let Erik and the past out of the grip! But after journaling, that’s what came to me, I just wanted to tell him that. And once I did it, it felt that everything I had been journaling about today just felt so meaningless, so unreal, like false ego thoughts and stories feeling welcome due to the resistance to following the guidance, which was an appeal to keep projection real, and attack justified!

Once again I was seeing how the ego operates to distort the miracle and throw its best punch, when I choose not to be in my function and interfere! So great!!!

My journaling with Jesus, May 7th "What an amazing day!"

May 7^th

Dear Jesus, what an amazing day… I didn’t get to write you today as I felt being totally taken over in what was the plan for me, and just following and it’s been so great! I felt that I was with You, all the time. Like no other thoughts but Love, Truth could enter my mind. I saw some but they had nowhere to stay, no grip on anything, so they just vanished where they were coming from. I feel it’s funny to keep calling you Jesus, for I feel so intimate with You, I would even say that I feel we are One, and the same. The love in me is so strong, that it burns all thoughts that are not of You.

Mmmh… It is exactly that! We are One, we are the Same. There is no separation between You and Me. And your willingness to let nothing, no scrap of falsity telling you otherwise is what is restoring what has never been lost. In the Light of Truth, no darkness can stand! It has nowhere to stay, for no attention is given to what has no value.

You know the seeing of the attachment to the feeling and sharing it and going deeper into it was really great, for it opened up such a trick to keep believing I am a body and that any feeling can be real or determining something that has any reality. It’s like the release of the body was in that seeing. And the episode of the pain was so helpful to see that I cannot be it, I am Pure Spirit Who can know no pain. It’s such a great opportunity to go so much deeper! Other pains have kept showing up today, and it’s the same seeing… they cannot have any effect on Who I am, and have no reality. There is something that is so much deeper and stonger than pain, and there is Peace!

Yes, it’s an effect of an unreal cause, so it cannot be at all! Pain or any other un-associated feeling is just a way to make you believe that you are not what you are, that you are a body weak and vulnerable, and therefore that you can attack yourself. But you cannot attack yourself, and by demonstrating that, you strengthen the message in you that nothing can hurt You, or change You or harm You in any way, that You are Invulnerable. As I said in the Course “Sickness is a defense against the Truth. But I am not a body, and my mind cannot attack. Therefore I cannot be sick.” And you can replace ‘sickness’ by whatever you want that makes you believe or feel trapped into believing that you can be what you are not, that you can separate from Your Father and become fatherless, with no way of return!

I felt that this day was so dedicated to Holiness and undoing of the specialness with Erik even deeper. It’s been so great. We started by an expression session in bed this morning and went deep into what I believe a woman is and what a man is, to come to feel being helpless, totally helpless in that seeing, and feel “but it cannot be true! That cannot be reality, for it would be awful!” and tears came with this helplessness of having believed that for so long, and coming to seeing that it’s not true. It was like when my son died, I felt so helpless before this life, that I thought and felt that life couldn’t be just that! Life cannot be just about being born, living for a while and then dying. And that’s when I felt being so carried through life and it was such a huge point of awakening for me, where nothing made any sense at all, and I was feeling something inside pushing me to make so many changes in my life and opening up more and more… This morning, it felt like that again… opening up fully to realizing that there is no woman, named Armelle, that there are no women at all, as there are no men! And this day was about showing how to join from that perspective and it’s been so deep! Opening up to the Reality that I am Spirit! My joining with Tom this afternoon was such an opening to see everyone the same, loving everyone the same, making no distinction. And by the exposure of what could be in the way, of the thoughts that were creating a very subtle sense of uneasiness, and the willingness to join in the Truth and seeing the Christ in him, the True Joining in Christ could happen, a moment out of time, that sense of eternity that I’m having more and more, where things happen, movements happen, but there is no sense of time. It just seems to be that moment with no beginning and no end. It wasn’t about a man and a woman with a story joining, but about being the Christ and extending it. I was feeling so emotional, on the edge of crying of Gratitude, for no reason. There was such a deep Innocence and Purity. And it was so wonderful. Thank You so much !!!!! Thank You so much to God for creating me Perfect and Whole, a Pure extension of the Light that He is.

I feel you live in me so deeply Jesus. It’s like I spent this day in such a deep worship to you, as if every of my word was a song to you…  I am so Grateful!

You are this Love that shines so brightly in my Heart and keeps burning what It’s not.

Wow, as I am writing, I am noticing that I don’t see any differences in my keybord, I mean no depth to the touch, it’s like it’s just one thing, like a flat sheet, as if it was a picture, and that I am typing on it;-)

Yes, don’t worry about that, all your senses are shifting. Don’t pay attention to it. It’s normal!

Yes, it’s just so funny…

My journaling with Jesus, May 6th

May 6^th

Hi Jesus, I keep feeling very attracted by all what thalks about ‘Quantum Physics’ and also about ‘beliefs’. It’s almost as if there is a message in me telling me that the more I will know about how it all works, the faster I’ll be totally free.

I’m see as I’m writing this, that this means that Freedom is not now, but in the future! Which cannot be true, or God wouldn’t be loving, and separation would be real, being possible that the Truth would not be true right now, but later when…

Hi Armelle, if you do question and answer, what do you want me do then?

Laugh!

Yes, this is exactly what we can do, laughing to the ridiculous of the ego thought system, and that all belief that separation for our Father is possible, and has happen and is still happening! Time and space is a joke! There is no time, only Eternity. How salvation could be conditional to you getting something or not? How could it be something like you’ll get salvation if you understand everything? This would be promoting that you have to do something in order to get somewhere, where you are not now. That’s how the journey starts… believing that you have to get somewhere, that you are not there yet, that you still have things to do, that you can do anything to make it happen, that you are the doer of anything! And that what you do have any effect on anything; which would mean that you are at the cause, having effects out there. And believing you are a cause is the authority problem, the core of the competition with God, to which you want to prove that you are better, and that you don’t need Him, that you are without Him. But without Him you are nothing, for you cannot be separate from Him. So of yourself you are nothing, you can do nothing, and being the effect of an unreal cause you can be nothing. Therefore you must be Free Now! For nothing that you think real has any reality whatsoever. And can’t therefore keep you trapped in any way. The realization that it’s all a dream is Freedom! For it is just a dream and not reality, then God must be Real, and you still must be in Him. And That, is available right Now. You don’t need to wait for anything for That to be True and your Reality Now.

Earlier, I felt being taken in a deep meditation, very abstract. And at some point it felt like if I was brought backwards through time and space, to the beginning of time, the big bang. But it felt like if the journey had no end to go back to that point before anything happened, as if there was something in my mind that was blocking the ‘stop’ button and I never reached the beginning point, where there was just This, nothing else, no universe, nothing, just a point or parcticule or I don’t know exactly but just no time, no space, no world, nothing specific…

Can you talk more about that experience …

The thing is that there was no beginning of time. You just believed there was, and you still believe there is. But there was no big bang, no separation. So how can you reach the beginning of something that has never happen? How can you find the end of something that has no beginning, except by seeing that it has never happen, and so it was just a dream. That’s the end of the dream. When you realize that the world and all there is to it is but a dream, an illusion. It has no reality. So in time and space you can seem to have those kind of experiences but there are still in time, there are not real. They might be helpful to enlarge your vision but they are not Reality. Reality is seeing the Christ everywhere and knowing it is What You are. God is Reality. And You are in Him, eternally. As long as you are still having an experience in time and space, you still define yourelf as being what you are not, no matter what is the experience. The Truth is beyond that. Reality has no boundaries, no measure, no limitation. What is limited and measurable cannot be real. Again, Reality is Now. And there is no experience of It, there is a Knowing. But you cannot understand that with the ego, so don’t even try! Accept It! Keep looking at everything you still believe and that keeps coming to your mind, and kind of tiring all that you still value in any way so that you come to see the total valuelessness of this whole cosmos of time and space. Then you’ll accept Reality fully. I am with you …

I guess that’s why I keep allowing me to choose any magic I still believe in, as a way to look at them deeper and see that in themselves they have no power, no value, they are just reflection of my mind. But if using magic reduces the fear, because in that moment, I am not fully ready to accept the Atonement, then does it mean that they are reflection of the fear? For I take them to be reflection of my openness to Truth and that they will just reflect of wide I am ready to open up to Truth. Whether they are persons, healing technic or anything else, they have no power, nor any meaning of themselves, but only the one that I give them, right?

In themselves they have no power, no meaning, like for everything. “I’ve given everything I see the meaning it has for me”, so that’s all! They are neutral, as is everything you see.  Magic is part of the world you made, and can therefore used by the Holy Spirit as a way to reduce the fear of waking up to Reality, because He would never do or guide you to anything that would engender more fear, for in that state of mind you would not be able to serve His Purpose, and therefore not seeing the false as false. So it’s helpful as long as there is fear in the mind. For having reduced the fear you are then available to perform miracles and accepting the Truth. They seem to have the power that you gave away because you were afraid of seeing how powerful your mind is, therefore you made an external agent seeming having that power instead of you. Sot you are not responsible of your thoughts. But by doing so it also make you feel powerless in some sense, thinking that the power is outside you.

I saw how I’ve been identified with feeling, having a lot of feelings, being in touch with my feelings, and how I am attached to feel, to the sensations of the body I think. It’s almost as if feeling defines me! It’s also like there is an attachment to the feeling of the beingness, to the vibration in the body to which I give meaning. When there are a lot of vibrations it means that I am in higher state of consciousness and so it’s better. And it feels as if there is a lot energy that is just asking for a little step more to pop up. But it seems there is a wall blocking it. So that awakening would be that explosion of this wall.

There are a lot of assumptions to question there. For it seems that everything you say has a lot of reality for you. The feelings are coming from what you believe, and the way you feel determines the thoughts you have. In the world we define everything with the five senses. The world is seen through them, and that’s part of the judgement mechanism. I know I’ve said the only right use of judgement is ‘how do I feel?’, so that you can know what you are believing, whether you believe in separation or in your Oneness with God. But here, what you describe, it seems that you use feeling as a way to know where you are on the level of awakening, assuming that there are levels, so that needs to be questioned, for it assumes the belief in time, that it’s not now, but for the future, when… Nothing has any meaning, and still it will seem as if the body is transforming with the awakening process, for it will reflect the change of state of mind. So there can be those kind of ‘vibrations’ but in themselves they don’t mean anything, for if they did, it would mean that separation has happened and that you are on a process to solve it, which would happen some day when… And that cannot be the Truth. It can seem to be your experience, but only because you believe in time, and therefore you see the Answer given by God separates by time from when the ego was made. But it was instantaneous, and over long ago. You keep thinking that what you seem to live is happening now, with a past story and a future to come. But everything is past. And you are in God Now. So being attached to the feeling of beingness as you say it, is deceiving yourself, for it’s trying to make something last in time and wanting it not to change, so that you can know that you exist. There is nothing that can last in time, for everything is passing. It comes and goes. Feelings come and go. They are trustworthy in the moment. It also seem that you talk more about sensations, bodily sensations, determining your level of awakening. But there is no level! There is no compromise between nothing and everything; the Atonement is total or not at all. There is no in between! So it’s again a trick used by the ego to keep you preoccupied by the body, the outside and measuring something that is not measurable, when the only Solution is inside, where the problem is. Keep your mind focus on Truth, not on seeming effects of a process which will lead you only to delay time and deceive yourself more into illusions. None of the seeming effect of waking up to Reality is worth to focus on, or analyse or give attention or meaning to. They are nothing! Empty concepts! Effects with a false cause, therefore they cannot exist. There is no competition, for there has never been any separation. So there is nowhere to go back to, no race to win. It’s Now! And it’s done! And it is inevitable! You don’t even have a choice in it! That’s how it is!

Wow, thank you. I feel kind of confuse and even not totally sure about everything I wrote, where it is coming from. I have some doubts that I willingly give to you, that I may know your Certainty and being shown if there are things to change in what has been written. Thank you for your Presence.

After sharing my doubts about this writing and then reading it again, a sudden very strong pain arise in the body, in the left arm, the chest, the troat, going to the tong, they felt like becoming paralysed, and it was more and more difficult to breath or move. It was as if I was having a heart attack! Aware that it could only be an ego reaction, I was contemplating the statement “sickness is a defense against the Truth”, and realizing than once the purpose of sickness, which is making me believe that I am not what I am and that I am a body weak and vulnerable, is seen, that healing occurs! So I felt that I didn’t have to try to make the pain disappear but dropping into it felt the guidance. So I put some music and went into an Inner dance, releasing the body, in coming into the experience of the Spirit! I had the image of Jesus on the cross coming to me as a reminder that I am not the body, and that this experience was the opportunity to go beyond the pain and transcend it.

More and more I felt like drugged, not knowing anything, nor what anything is for… We decided to watch a movie “what dreams may come” and as Erik was reading the comment of David in his movie watcher guide, I was having that experience that I didn’t understand any of the words he was saying, and I was just laughing so much because I didn’t understand anything, and everything just seemed to be so funny. We’ve been joining into that unending laughter for a while. It was so releasing! Even that laughter had no meaning, no reason, just empty! So wonderful! 

My journaling with Jesus, May 5th

May 5^th

Wow, Jesus, this is so wonderful! I’m seeing so much of the false beliefs and identities playing out and trying to keep me from joining with You, or sharing this joining. Yesterday there was such an awareness again of the desire to be perfect, to be seen as perfect, and therefore by sharing all those conversations, exposing myself (hum! which self?,) to the possibility of not being seen as perfect! But who is the one who want to be seen as perfect??? Then there was a fear of sharing all those questions that seem to be intimate, seem to be from me (hum), so personal! I feel that all this is really teaching me that nothing is personal, and enlarging the barriers to the extension of seeing that there is absolutely no barrier, no me, nothing personal, that everything is That, and that the play is just the play, not to take seriously! And all those thoughts are just there in order for me to be distracted from the Truth, from joining, from sharing, exposing what is false, what has no reality whatsoever, and to believe that there is a me who has really been that, done that, felt that, etc…! But exposing is really such a deep way of releasing the false in seeing through this keeping hidden game!!! I just love it! For there is something in me pushing me to be totally transparent… having nothing to hide, knowing nothing can hurt Who I am, and no thoughts are true! Nothing means anything, absolutely NOTHING! So let’s go to expose the falsity of the concepts that are just there to hide the Luminous Self that Always Is! Yesterday, I was reading one of David’s post from last December on his yahoo group about private thoughts, that I kept in my mailbox and at some point here this question “Would I want to have perfect communication, and am I wholly willing to let everything that interferes with it go forever?"T-15.IV.8 And for me the answer is YES! It seems that every day is just showing me the reflection of all those decision in my mind! 

Wow, yes, it’s so great! It’s actually really the Purpose of Joining. In the Light of Truth, no darkness, no illusion can stand! They are all burnt into the Fire of Truth, leaving no trace, for they have never been. There is Only This.

You know it’s so wonderful for yesterday, I was feeling some tinkeling in my heart at the thought of going into MMT and doing again the ‘Quantum Physics’ section. But it didn’t happen. And just before going to sleep I checked my emails and I received an email to participate to a free tele-class given by a friend in Quebec, and then I opened a link talking about almost instantaneous healing through applying quantum physics. Again, it was shown that I don’t have to do anything, for everything is always given! I love it, and keep being amazed every day, as if it was the first time that it happened! (it’s funny for as I am writing this, I’m having that deep feeling that ‘It is the first time! There has never been any other moment than this one!’ as if this moment is all there is, and it feels like everything, eternal. And it is not the first time I’m having those deep feelings of the eternity of this moment and that there was never anything else. It really happens a lot now!

Yes, that’s the Joy of the Child Who doesn’t know anything and who sees everything as a Miracle! For there is nothing else than this Moment, even deeper… nothing else than This. Eternity is even beyond the feeling of eternity, of this moment that is eternal. And what you experience is that Reality is restoring Itself to you more and more as you see through the falsity of the illusion. Therefore time is fading… When there is no need for defense anymore, they just go. When there is no attention given to the illusion, it vanishes! When it is seen that there is no value in this world, and that nothing is outside the mind, What is Valuable is seen…

So this morning, I wanted to ask you how to deal with those beliefs that are still coming up. But I realized that keep given them over, seeing their falsity is what to do about them, AND keep focus on the Truth, on the Love in my Heart, on the Abstraction of the I Am and resting. There is nothing to do than resting in the Presence that I am, and being willing to do nothing. I saw that the ego was really hungry for a new process to deal with the belief. It didn’t like the answer of yesterday to how to deal with the deeply rooted identities that keep coming back. You just told me “I love you” and the feeling was so deep that it washed away any desire for an answer… really Love was, IS the Only Answer! But the ego is not satisfied with it, because it is not for it, it is the very thing that makes it vanish! So there was still a bit of that this morning. And it seems that it fades away, as I came in my day, seeing through all what is not!

Oh yes, the ego is hungry of practical answers, of processes, all questions, for it keeps the seeking going, and therefore maintain the sense of its ‘existence’. That’s why I told you that the Only True Answer is Love. There is no need for words, for they are not Truth. They point to it, and will be given as long as needed, but you are not the one in charge of that. You have to step aside and let Me or the Holy Spirit telling you what is most helpful, and knowing that words will come through if they are really needed. Sometimes your Silent Presence is what is most helpful and healing, for the ego cannot grasp onto that!

Oh yeah! That makes me think about what happened yesterday with Erik when he was struggling with a question to which he absolutely felt he need clarity to be able to see through and letting it go. He already asked me that question several days ago, and at that time, I felt I had to be present to be able to give him an answer for I felt he wanted an answer. But it didn’t work! I could feel I was trying to give him an answer that he rejected very fast. And even if I was asking for help, I could see that I really wanted to give him an answer. So yesterday, when he asked that question again, I just felt that I really didn’t know the answer, neither even if there was a need for a verbal answer and that it was the perfect opportunity for me to practice what you told me… that I didn’t need to listen to the words, but to You, and that the Only Answer was Love. So I did that, and it lasted for a while. He was talking and I was just focus on the Love I was feeling, like if I was listening with my heart, not my hears, and there was absolutely no discomfort, neither no special need in me to give him any answer. He was finding a lot of answers, clarity by himself, and at some point, words started to come in my mouth. It was so deep, for I had no idea 1 second before that I would talk or say anything. It was such a deep experience of trust again, to see that really I don’t need to do anything, just being willing to be used as an instrument for Truth.

It’s so beautiful Armelle. This is really how it works. You cannot trust until you try another way and you see it works, it’s true. Therefore you can let go of the old way, for you’ve been shown that you are never alone, and you don’t have to be the one in charge. Life is in charge of everything! Just be willing… everything will be given to You!

Wow, it’s so wonderful!!!! It was already like that yesteray when Erik and I joined. It felt that it was the answer to my prayer. I wanted some clarity about all the thoughts going on in my mind and as I joined with him, he shared his process, without talking about anything that was going on and this joining, was the Answer to the clarity I was asking for… Love. You forgot Who You are, that’s why you want clarity. Therefore the only Answer is Love, Who You are. Coming into right mindedness! As for today, same thing when I had those thoughts again, what came to me was, the answer is Love… and they all vanish! It was really my Call for Love. And through giving him Love, Presence, I answered my call!

And again, today, I was feeling I wanted to journal with you about the Immediacy of Salvation and what’s blocking it, what’s keeping from it to be Now! I was doing other projects, and suddenly felt joining with Erik, without any reason. And he shared what he was looking at and it turned into a “satsang” where we were questioning the Immediacy of Salvation! Isn’t it fabulous! It’s again showing me I need do nothing, just being willing… and it’s given, given, given!!! And through this mouth!! Awsome! Such a deep experience of Presence, Truth, Listening and doing nothing!! And getting clear! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!! I Love You soooo much!!!!

Mmmh… yes, it’s really how it works! You need do nothing! Except not interfere…!

Oh my God, Jesus, this is sooo amazing! I was just meditating on my lesson of the day, “In quiet I receive God’s Word today”, really determined to hear His Voice! I first had that vision of a hand putting a ring on my finger, as symbol of the union with God. Then I was shown that I never know what anything is for and I was seen how things are perfect as they are, and that we can never judge how the configuration is in relationship, and that by not judging it, nor putting relationships in any box and limiting them, I could see that everyone is always so taken care, and always receive what’s best. Therefore it doesn’t matter with whoever Erik could join or I could join for it is always what is most helpful in the moment for everyone. At that moment, I felt totally transcending, popping through the fear of change. It just dropped! And suddenly, my heart which felt like being in a shell, cracked open, as going out of the shell, and the light started to shine in it… It was so beautiful and such a deep release!!! Wow!

(Quiet laugh)(love)

You know Jesus, I feel that I still want to go deeper into the Immediacy of salvation. I feel I got a lot from joining with Erik, but still it feels there is more… could you tell me about it, and also show me what’s blocking me from accepting the total Atonement right now…

Believing in time is the main barrier, for then nothing is ever about the present moment. the Present Moment is what the ego absolutely wants to avoid. That’s why it keeps trying to distract you with many different things, taking you into further and further steps from Now. It doesn’t want you to stop busy acting because then you’ll be found in the quietness of the mind. The only one problem, being masked by the many it creates for you, keeps being pushed out of awareness and you keep being preoccupied by what is on the screen instead of totally stepping back in the Mind, where the only Answer and Correction to the misperception can be. That’s why I keep telling you that what happens on the screen doesn’t matter. It’s just a dream, a projection of the false belief that you could separate from the Creator. The dream, the world is an effect of a false cause, a cause that never was. Therefore it cannot exist. Therefore time cannot exist, nor space, nor any of the images the body’s eyes seem to see, because the body doesn’t exist either. So as long as you keep being preoccupied by what you seems to see, feel, the thoughts in the mind, etc… all what seem to be part of the dream of separation you will not know fully your Oneness with God. By focusing only on My Guidance, the Love that You are, and seeing nothing else but that, you’ll remember what has never been lost, and see that it has never been forgotten, for there has never been anything else but that. Keep giving me all the thoughts of time and space you could have so that they won’t distract you and be so mindful and prayerful about everything, that you let no doubt enter your mind. Remember to pause before answering anything to anyone, and ask Me. Remember to pause before interpreting anything you see or feel, hear or think, ask Me. Speak only My words that you may be bathed in My Love constantly, and in other time, keep quiet, stay with Me. I’ll do everything for you, through you, just be with Me, that you may transcend the belief that it’s possible that we are separate from each other and from our Father. By knowing your Oneness with Me, you’ll know It as Your Natural State. Because you believe in time, you cannot understand that it is already accomplished, that it has already happen long ago, and that nothing other than that has any reality. Therefore you think that it’s only possible in the future. But can you accept right Now your Reality in Heaven with Our Father?

Yes, I can.

Wonderful! Then stay there. Don’t move for there is nowhere to go, nothing to do! The final step will come to you

Yes, I really get that whatever thought or belief is in my mind it cannot keep me from Being Who I am, but can mask the awareness of it if I give it attention or power. It’s like our natural state is Resting in God, and every time that we follow those thoughts, which become beliefs I kind of experience “leaving” this state; I never do so, but the experience seems to be that of being out of God’s Mind. So it’s a matter of not giving any power to thoughts that arise and giving them over to You.

Yes, totally. Your Natural State is Peace. You never left the Mind of God, you are still as He created You. Nothing has changed for nothing has happened. Even the you who seem to have been deceived don’t exist, for there is only Pure Oneness in the Mind of God. There is no part, there is only the Whole. This you is like a dog chasing for his tale, he will never catch it! This you will net be enlightened. Freedom is the seeing through of this you.