May 3rd
Hey Jesus, I feel soooo in love! The more I spend time with you, doing nothing, the more I feel the layers of falsity are pealing themselves away!!!! Yesterday I felt the guidance to sell my leather jacket. Why it’s such a beautiful jacket? I don’t see any moment where I will still wear it again. It was such a huge symbol of pride, vanity, independence, superiority, masking such a deep repressed feeling of unworthiness, loneliness and sadness. And when I looked at it, it almost seemed difficult to do so, because it seemed as if it was a part of me; almost like a protection. I was hiding behind it. So it feels that doing so, is opening to a deeper recognition of Truth… I don’t need anything outside me to define me, or protect me!
Yes, that’s great. All those symbols are used to cover over the body and the guilt; because you don’t know who you are, you don’t feel safe. For your Safety lies in God and you believe you are separate from Him, therefore you look for protection outside, by all means. It can be what you put on the body, or what you put on your face to disguise even more, or the barriers all around your houses, an alarm system… You want to have more and more, for it is the core of the ego… having to be. But the more you have, the more special you feel, and the more unsecure you feel, and you are then always worry about losing something, for you’ve put all of yourself in that. You’ve become what you have, what you do. And that’s why you fear losing it… who will you be? But the Truth is that you’ve never been any of those. You’ve never been anything but the Son of God! All those are just tricks used by the ego to keep you trapped in its game, in the world’s game, so that you don’t look within and see the Light that shines inside, showing you that you don’t need any of those “costumes” or disguises or protection, for you will never find who you are outside yourself! Who You are is that bright shining Light inside you. But you can’t see it as long as you are preoccupied by how you look, what you do, how much money you have, what will you do when you’ll be 60, etc… What You are you are it Now, and nothing can hide it, but you can not be aware of it, if you so choose…
The funny thing is that now, I am dwelling on how to sell that, how much, what would be the easiest and also the most helpful; and really I have no idea. But I can see the desire for getting the more I can out of it, as if it still is part of me, and that I cannot sell myself for nothing. The price I get makes my worth almost! At least that’s the underlying feeling or belief. Do you have any guidance for that? For I just want to be truly helpful and know the Truth. And as all the funds are under Holy Spirit’s or Your Guidance, what is most helpful? I am also totally willing to give it, if it’s meant to be, it even feels joyful!
Yes between those two illusions which one am I to choose? Do I do this or do I do that? But as long as you try to solve the “problem” that way, you’ll go nowhere, and nothing will truly be solved. What is your Desire? Stay there!
Mmmh… yes, the Truth, Being with You, and letting You guide my steps! (rest, all strains disappear)(love pouring through)that’s the only thing I truly want! And I still try to do things the way I’ve been used to, by trying to know what is best, but using my way. I ask, but not fully. It’s like asking you for feeling good but not being fully willing to just stop, sit, join with you, letting go of all outcomes and just rest… and allowing whatever comes out of it. Wow it’s so beautiful. I feel so Whole, so Happy, so full of Joy. I am so very Grateful. You don’t even imagine!
Oh yes, I do, believe me… (love pouring)(pause) I’m not giving you all that because I believe you are unworthy and I want to prove the opposite, or because I believe you’re lacking and I want to show you how whole you already are. All what you receive, all what I give, is already What You are, I just extend it to you. I know your Wholeness as mine, and Your Worth because it’s of the Father. There is no doubt in my mind about that. I don’t see any body or person in you, I see only the Truth; I see What You are, not what you are not. You don’t need anything to be what you are, but to be fully aware of it, you need to stop listening to the voice that tells you that you are not That now, that you are not worthy of so much Love, that you need things outside you to be whole, that you need to seek outside to define yourself, that it will take a long time, and it cannot be now, it must take time and be hard! Bullshit! None of it is true. And that’s what you need to see… it’s false! Accept your Worth NOW, as the Perfect Child of God that You are. You are the Christ!
Thanks… I know I was having that feeling of being so inferior to you and looking up as if I am special and you know how unworthy I’ve been feeling and that’s why you are there, to help me go through that and release it. But how can I release something that I first made real? I have to see through first, to see that it’s all a joke. That there is no one unworthy and there has never been, as there is no one lacking anything. For there is only Wholeness in Heaven, where I am, One with all my Brothers. Wow, it’s so great. Thank You! It was so subtle, and I can see how it plays out under a false sense of humility and gratitude! It’s so powerful!
First, as long as you will see those things as part of you, you’ll be deceive no matter what you do, because you’ll want it to mean something, and it doesn’t mean anything; you’ll sell it regarding how it defend your self-concept associated with that. And you’ll feel threatened! So look at that first. Are you certain that it is part of you, that without those things you are not who you are anymore?
No, I am not.
Can it be you?
No.
Can they even be yours? Are they really personal to you?
Ah! Mine to whom? Does the Christ have any possession? There will need a person for it to be personal, so I have to believe I am a person, for it to be mine or personal. So I have to be trapped in being what I am not, in identifying myself with being a body, limited and defined by those things, unsafed and that could be attacked. But that cannot be the Truth, if Truth is unlimited and that I am as God created me… So they can be nothing more that meaningless, illusions made for distracting me from the Truth and being preoccupied with appearances.
Yes! So can you lose anything by giving them away? Or can you gain anything by keeping them? Can you be more than what you are?
No! No! And No! I see… they are just nothing. They have no meaning. I just gave them a lot of meaning. But I see that the opportunity here was to look at all those self-concept, and the meaning I give to things, and seeing through. So their unreality can be seen, and therefore it can be released.
Then even the idea that I could get some money from it is ridiculous and meaningless?
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