While I was swimming I had a very profound realization and integration; it was really strange how it began. I wasn’t thinking about anything, I was just there making breaststroke movements, feeling cold water sometimes, hot water sometimes, and suddenly, I said to myself, "Yeah, it's true, it’s impossible; sickness is impossible because it can’t be part of our nature, we are not these bodies." It had nothing to do with all those times where, intellectually, I told myself that I was not a body; it was something that seemed to fall on me, like that...
It then followed a clear development from that premise...
If I admit who I really am, I can’t be sick, and the closer I get to who I really am, the less I feel the effects of what I believed before, because my mind shifts, and there is no longer a reason to hang onto those old beliefs.
Eckhart Tolle says that sickness is a means the ego uses to become stronger, it creates a new self concept, now I am a sick person, and more.
I then saw my allergy to gluten and to lactose and how it had created an identity in me, of being different and special; so I asked what had brought me to still believe in it, what value I could still find in it... and there was silence. Nothing came... I told the Holy Spirit that I gave them to him, that I could see no reason to keep these beliefs, I no longer saw any value in them, and that now, when I eat some, when I feel it, I no longer feel the effects, or at least I no longer have my focus on it, nor on my body.
Then the fact came to me that the more I enter into my function, recognize who I am, I am my heart, the less I experience the effects of that... it just loses its meaning...
The Course says that "sickness is a defense against the truth." It’s therefore in recognizing the truth of who I am that sickness loses its meaning, its value, and it can’t exist (such that often, I identify with the sickness, that I at first see as an outside entity coming to live in me, even attacking me and then becoming who I am, because I derive a good number of benefits from becoming a sick person, not counting that I get a lot of attention... and I then have an excuse to stop, or to not follow, my heart...) And the ego loves to have excuses to not follow our path, our heart, it finds a lot of them because that’s what it’s looking for. It looks in the world, in form, for the justification of the thoughts, the beliefs, that block me, and once found, it reinforces them and the ego is content...
It then came to me that I don’t have to fight the sickness, nor try to overcome it, or even to cure it because even wanting to cure it makes it true, real... I just allow it to be there, acknowledge it because it shows me that the mind needs correction in one place... and in this acknowledgement, I open the door to the healing the mind... Rather than focusing on sickness, I focus on what inspires me, transports me, makes my heart open and I question my beliefs all along, I watch my thoughts... and I see what blocks are still preventing the presence of light, of love...
I don’t even have to think I’m not a body, or even believe it, I only need to get into my function, to recognize who I am...
For two days now, I’ve been feeling a deep realization that nothing, absolutely nothing, can hurt me, affect me. I don’t know where it comes from, it was a certainty, a knowing that this is so. And I was touched by it again this morning while reading my lesson of the day... recognizing that salvation can only come from me and that nothing outside of me can save me or give me peace, then I also felt that there was nothing outside of me that could wound me or hurt me.
This has happened several times lately, having important realizations, feeling like a deep healing was happening in me and not knowing where it came from or how. But I notice that the more I open myself and allow myself to enter into my function, letting the Holy Spirit use me to serve His purpose, the more I'm present, simply, the more I experience this kind of moment of profound inspiration or healing, I don’t really know what to call them, and it’s not even necessary anyway!
It's just happiness...
Lots of love
Armelle
translated by Andy
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