This last jealousy experience was a wonderful opportunity, offering me to release what I felt being one of the most, maybe the most, important belief of the identity of Armelle. After having just said "Yes, HS, I choose You before everything else", everything shifted in my mind...
That evening, I was so peaceful after having released all that deep deep sadness, rage and anger. When we went to sleep we felt the guidance of having sex. For me, it was a completely new experience. I felt like if it was the first time... All my past seemed to disappear at that moment, and I felt being a teenager who doesn't know anything, and I let completely the Spirit drives. During that moment, I felt the presence of what I thought being a soul, that came to visit me around may. She was a girl and her name was "Ileah". This presence was so soft. I didn't know what it meant. I just felt her several times, and it was the first time with Erik tonight.
This moment was so perfect, erasing all traces of the past... mmmh so good.
The morning, Erik wanted to talk about what was happening in Paris and know more about what I was living, etc... I first told it wasn't important, everything was ok now, and it was enough. But he insisted, thinking it would be better for me to share...I did it, with my heart wide open. And then the ego jumped on that, and I asked him what he was living. And I wasn't feeling his answer. I told him that that conversation wouldn't have taken place, and that I wasn't believing him, I was feeling he was lying, and it was really horrible, for he wasn't even telling what he told me that day, but kind of making just a beautiful and perfect image of him. He answered me that even if he was lying, I would have to trust him! It strengthens the ego still more, and I decided to leave the room.
Later, I went to talk with Wenz, a guy with whom I connected very deeply at the castle, who has a great way of seeing life, kind of way as the course, but not exactly. This talk was very deep for me. I felt like if it was my Father calling me Home, and giving me the way how to do it. we talk about what happened this week-end, and also my relationship with my parents; and he told me how I have to be full of integrity. That was resonate in me. I heard, uncompromising and remembered Sarah's words too. At the end of the talk, my head started to turn, and I didn't see anything around him, it was disappearing. Deep!
This day, we came back to my parents'house for practicle stuff, at the end of the day. I've felt going this day, and go back to the castle to spend the last evening before their departure tomorrow with Keith and Christiane. So we did. I was ok now, and was feeling it would be good for us both to be a time alone, that was never happened before...
For dinner we went to a restaurant to eat a pizza, what Erik wanted so much! I didn't want to eat that, but felt the guidance to eat it, very strongly. I thought it was to help undoing the belief with gluten allergy. So I did. As we were eating, the discussion came again on this week-end, and it turned exactly the same way than this morning, as the ego was just rejoicing, and that I didn't feel I could do something else.
Once at home, I went to bed without talking. .Later I went down asking Erik to just telling me the truth, that I didn't care about what it could be, but feeling he wasn't honnest was horrible for me.. He didn't say anything, so I left and went back in my room. I still cried more and as deeply as the day before, I couldn't stop. In the same time, I was seeing all the pictures of my past with my boyfriends, where I had felt so deeply not having been worthy enough to be loved by those men that all were so great, and how I had felt for those that they were always looking at other women, and that they were dishonnest with me. It was burried deeply, waw. I never had that feeling before... It has always been masked by something else. And with Erik it came a lot since we are married! Like if I don't deserve it!
It was so strong I started to shake, without controling it. It was still more rooted than what I thought yesterday when Sarah told me I had a choice to make. I felt I would completely lose my identity, and it wasn't pretending I think, it felt now if it was happening, by letting go all that past and stop grasping to that story. Erik brought me in the sofa, where I lay down on his knees. He was caressing my head, and I started to tell him everything I was feeling since ever, but had always been hidden in my mind and still played on the screen, and that all that was coming up and it was overwhelming. He was so sweet.
The day after, when I woke up, I could see the ego on the edge, ready to jump every moment. I felt there was still something. I wanted to call Sarah again and talk with her on skype. As I opened skype, I had Caroline's face in vision, and saw she was connected. I felt it was a guidance and asked her to talk with her. We talked during almost three hours, living also very deep healing where we felt all the women were with us, stopping the rivality, and also stopping the competition between men and women. I had the vision of the all world being stand up to celebrate with us, I was hearing cries of Joy, and seeing the crowd.... Waw. It was incredible! I told her that the more the seemingly separation is strong to join with someone, the more I feel the ego is afraid, and there is a wonderful gift for me... And once again, it was true!
Afterwards, Erik and I were guiding through a healing process too, the HS using sexuality to heal the world. I had the impression that all the women were with me, and all the men with Erik, and it was like if I was giving birth to a new world. There was only the sensation of oneness. There was no Armelle and no Erik. There was even not two bodies at that moment, it was far much bigger than that. Far beyond our little control!!
Later, it still happens, as we weren't expecting it, and this time without having any physical contact, as if we were shown that it had nothing to do with the body, very strong!
As the day was going I really weren't feeling being the same anymore. Something completely new was "born".
Since those days, I just live deep peace, and my heart is opening more and more every moment.
So, yes, every day, I want to say "yes" again to my Father and choose Him again and again, before everything else... that's the paht of the pure Joy...
May all those sharing of experiences lightened your path,
I joined with you all my Brothers and Sisters in the Truth of who We Are.
I love Us
Armelle
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